After making my big decision less than a week ago, my news has started to leak. And, for the VAST majority the reaction has been very positive. Most people we've talked to said, "Yeah, we were wondering how you guys were going to manage a resident working 80 hours a week, a new associate working 60 hours a week, and having a baby without any help in Lubbock." All I kept thinking was: "Why the heck didn't you guys tell us BEFORE I had a mental breakdown?" Haha. I want to thank everybody, either on Facebook or on this blog, for their uplifting comments! To whomever wrote that I was thier SI for Political Science, you have no idea how happy that made me. Evan was in the shower and I literally ran over there just to tell him. It was like a sign. It was someone telling me "You're not crazy! This is the right decision for you!" I wish I could comment on each individual's kind words because they all meant so much!! So, THANK YOU for the support!
Everybody has had these amazing tidbits of wisdom that have really had an effect on me. For instance, I've heard a lot of "You have to do what makes you happy." And there is so much truth in this statement. I've also heard "You have to make sure to fulfill your wifely ahd household duties." Now while I agree with this, because I am of course, first and foremost a mother and wife now, I want it to be clear that this was not the main reason why I made this decision. This is similar to the fact that Evan's main jobs are husband and father as well, but he is still pursuing medicine. Evan likes medicine and I didn't like law. It really was as simple as that. Evan and I are big with balancing. We don't consider one career more important than the other. For these reasons, I feel that my new decision might require some explanation (that, or I just want to write more about it...my mind is obviously running rampant with thoughts about this).
I want it to be clear that this decision was not solely based on trying to succumb to my husband becoming a doctor. I am not, nor have I ever been, the type of woman to simply tell my husband it is his duty to provide for us. Now, obviously I'll make less money than he will, but if it had ended up being the reverse situation for some reason, we would have been ok with that. Each person must do what they like...that's our #1 rule. If I had never planned on working outside of the house, I would not have endured 3 difficult and grueling years of law school. I would not have studied my butt off during college to get a full scholarship to law school. I am a very independent woman. Evan knows this and he knows that for me, personally, staying at home never has been an option. I don't want to offend people with this comment, becuase I realize the staying at home v. working mom debate is incredibly controversial. Some of the BEST moms I know stay at home: my sister-in-law, my Madrina, my Aunt, and plenty others. I believe it's a decision for each couple to make together. Evan knows that staying home isn't what I want and fortunately, he prefers I don't stay home as well, so that's what we've decided. I think it's silly that people debate this topic because it's so personal...there is no point in arguing it. Just let each family do what is best for them!!
Furthermore, many people have said they are proud that I am taking a "break" from working for a while. Again, I want it to be clear that this is not my intention in the slightest. In fact, the other screens open on this computer are all about taking certification exams to get my teaching certificate. I have already applied for the programs and as soon as Texas A&M gets their act together, they'll be sending my transcript over.
Yes, my job as a teacher will be less time consuming than it would have been as a brand new associate, but I am not the type of girl to just do this job haphazardly. I plan on working my booty off and being the best teacher I can be. And when Evan is done with his residency, it will be his turn to slow down some so that I can get my masters. Again, it's a balancing act with us. But even more than that, I want others to know that it wasn't made solely because I want to spend more time with Liliana (which of course was part of my decision process). The main reason though, was because I didn't want to practice law! I didn't like the material. That was the ultimate factor in my decision.
I do have a little caveat to make: to any other lawyers that read my blog...I'm sorry if this recent decision has been offensive to you guys! I want you guys to know that I will defend this profession to my grave. I think lawyers do amazing work and I know, personally, that it takes A LOT of hard work to get there. It just wasn't for me. Plus think of it this way, this is one less lawyer to compete with for jobs and clients.
So more reactions...my brother told me I surprised the crap out of him (literally, he got food poisoning on a vacation he's on with Annie right now). But, he also told me he's 100% at peace with my decision. He, in a very honest manner, told me he was scared he had been losing me under this blanket of stress I had lived under. Yesterday we saw one of my best friends Ashley. She told me I looked so ridiculously happy. Those are the kinds of comments I need to hear. I've had some of my parents friends call me telling me not to give a 'bleep' about what others think because people change careers all the time and life is too short. I've had alot of people telling me I was very brave to admit this mistake of going to law school. This one has probably stuck with me more than anything else. This decision WAS NOT EASY. I thought long and hard about it, to the point that I got a horrible headache. But since I've made the decision, I haven't turned back. In fact, yesterday while other students were taking their bar exam, we were on our way to Dallas for Liliana to see family...see...it wasn't just a good decision, it was the PERFECT decision.
Today was supposed to be my Losing the Baby Weight day and I completely forgot! So sorry!! My mind has obviously been preoccupied. I'll do it tomorrow hopefully. I haven't worked out in a week because my stomach has literally been SO upset with all that was going on. So I'm not expecting the best results. But, I'm working out today because there is nothing to be upset about after all...I'm finally happy. Ah...that sounds nice to say...I'm happy.
Friday Fellowship - Jenna Buettemeyer
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