Raw Emotion Today

Last week I realized something.  I made the right decision.  I've known it for a long time, but I've had to convince myself a few times when people give me looks after I say "I went to law school but decided to get an unconventional job with it."  After this week, I say it with pride.  I look at people who judge and say "psh, you're probably just jealous."

Making the decision to not practice in a law firm after I was so obnoxious all through law school was a humbling experience.  I felt so vulnerable.  I knew people would have lots to say under their breath.  To be quite honest, I didn't like the person I became through law school.  I was constantly bitter, constantly stressed, and frankly unhappy.  Looking back on it, I became a very unlikeable person.   When all you are is stressed, you just get mad at people around you that seem happy.  Don't know if that's common, but that's how I react.  I found it hard to be happy for others, which is truly such a shame.  I'm ashamed to say I became that for a while.

Even through my pregnancy, my main thought was: "will I get a job as an associate somewhere?"  I was unreasonably selfish and frantic about the stupidest thing.

The evening that I finally took the plunge and decided to work in an academic setting, I had a few people not agree with my decision.  However, the majority of people, especially my husband, knew it was right.  I immediately felt SUCH a relief.  I think some people thought I was giving up working.  Quite on the contrary.  Like I've said many times on this blog, I've always known staying at home isn't the life I want.  I think it works wonders for some people, but I just can't give up all the hard work through college and law school.  Plus, if I told you my hours this week, you would know that isn't the case.  I was at the office about 45 hours this week, not to mention the 15 hours I worked at home.  It isn't anywhere near my husband's hours (poor guy) but still not a walk in the park by any means.

While working at the middle school all last year I felt happy but still felt somewhat unfulfilled.  I was so fortunate to land a job within 1 week of having my application out so I didn't complain.  The kids at the middle school taught me patience.  The staff taught me resilience.  But I knew that wasn't my goal.  I knew I wanted a position with more autonomy.  I really wanted a position that required initiative.

And that's exactly what I have here.  Again, I was so lucky to easily get this job.  I sent out a blind email looking for any position and the head of school wrote back with a myriad of possibilities for me.  For starters, I really enjoy working with the older students (most of them are about 17 or 18).  I feel like I can relate to them more and I remember so well what they're going through.  I also enjoy that I do get to teach a course.  Yes it's time consuming and yes teaching Economics is difficult, but I think the students enjoy our time together.  Another part of my job that I love is being the Director of Upper School Academic Achievement.  I get the privilege of talking with parents and with students and trying to help them succeed here so they can go to the best college possible.  Whether that means organization skills, test accommodations, or test-taking strategies, I am SO very busy handling all of this.  Some days I forget that I had to pee!

Funny thing is ... I wouldn't want it any other way.  And I know I won't love the job every single day.  I know some days will be tough and some days I'll say "uggh I hate this," but every job has their cons. 

For the first time since my big decision last summer, I can with 100% certainty say, I made the right choice for myself.  And for the first time in a VERY FREAKING LONG time I can say (without sounding too cocky) I am PROUD of myself.

My Office Semi-Makeover, PLUS, some decorating help needed!

Wow the blog writing is really taking a backseat lately huh?  Work has been HECTIC and BUSY to say the least.  I leave about an hour later than I thought I would every single day AND then I get home and work a few hours more.  It should calm down soon though.  I think this is what happens when you're new to a job.

The pluses though?  I LOVE the job.  I LOVE being busy, and I LOVE my office space.

I'm not done with it though and I need your help to finish it ... I know I need some prints on the wall, but I just don't know what else the space needs. 

Wanna see the makeover?

BEFORE

This was my office when I got to work the first day.  YIKES right?  I mean, it was a little bit stressful to see the mess.  SO, instead of dealing with this immediately, I decided I would tackle this on a Saturday with Evan and Liliana by my side. 

We went off to Target on Friday night and I shopped.  I decided the theme would be black and red and started finding some great deals.

Once I got rid of all the mess, it started looking a little bit better.  But, we still had plans and what a difference $80 makes!  Well, what do you think?

As you can see, I have a nice couch for students and parents to sit on during conferences.  I also have a sink behind my desk!  Cool huh?  And, another wonderful thing about this ginormous office?

My pretty view.  I get to see the kid eating lunch and get to see hills and trees throughout the day.  I love natural sunlight and love having my windows open.

I am so thankful for Evan helping to do all of this.  He was a trooper while we cleaned this up for 2 hours on a Saturday morning.  Also, Liliana was really helpful looking adorable too:

She brushed her hair while we worked ... how helpful right?

SO, I am SO very happy with my office.  It is so homey and I love spending time in it. 

Now ... what else should I do with it?  Advice?  Please?  ANY?

Working Momma Once Again!!! ... PLUS, I need work fashion advice!

Last Friday, I started work at my school here in Arkansas.  I can't give you guys too much information, because believe it or not I've heard that these little stinkers will google my name incessantly.  I can add that I'm fortunate enough to work at the best private school in the state and quite frankly, the place is amazing.  They treat their staff and the stuents so well. 
Example: I showed up to work on Friday and by 11 I had a BRAND NEW FREE laptop, AND my first paycheck!  DANG, talk about a sweet first day.

I will be SO very busy at the school.  I am the Academic Director of the upper school and teach economics.  I will also do legal work for the head of school whenever they don't want to send things to legal counsel.  Basically, I have the best job ever...it's a little bit of everything, I am incredibly busy during the day, and I work with a bunch of wonderful children and with a very hard-working staff. 

While my hours don't seem like they'll be horrible, they definitely won't be a cake walk.  I leave the house around 7:20, drop Liliana off at daycare, get to work around 7:45 and so far, haven't even had a chance to pee until I get home in the early evening!  YIKES!  Honestly though, I wouldn't want it any other way. I love a busy job.

On the weekends, the job won't necessarily require  I go to too many events but it is "strongly recommended" and even more so, I WANT to go!  This school is so impressive and truly cares about the children that attend.  So to go to football games, to see the choir concerts, and to go to the student council events will definitely take time, but I'm so very excited to get to know these upper school kids (and hopefully children from the lower and middle school too).

It has definitely been a transition going from staying home for 2 months while we settled in to the house to going back to work full-time without Liliana by my side.  I wake up WAY earlier now that I'm back to work and quite honestly, I much prefer working to staying-at-home.  It just suits me really well.  This is an entirely differnet topic, and I understand it's controversial, but working is what works for our family and I'm happy it's all working so brilliantly!

Liliana, of course, has transitioned without any difficulties.  When I drop her off, she just turns around, blows me a kiss, and says "Bye bye Mommy!" .

... and walks off.

No crying.  Not a peep.  For a 14 month old baby, she is QUITE independent.

ANYWAY, I need some advice from everyone!!! HELP me!!

 I have to decorate my Achievement Center room and need your help!  It's QUITE ugly right now.  Pictures to come soon!  We'll have to get our decorating shoes on.  Any ideas for a cute office at work? 

Second, this job makes me dress all fancy schmancy ... I mean, I can't even wear capri slacks!  I just bought gorgeous ones from the Limited and ... nope ... can't wear them! BUMMER. Any advice?  Where to shop for clothes, for shoes, for jewelry, what to wear while still being comfortable, etc.? 

Evan told me he'd help pick outfits for me on-line and you know what he's looking at right now? 

Lingerie. 

Don't really think that's what I had in mind!  WELL, at least not for work. ; )

A Little Education Rant ...

I haven't written about my job lately.  Quite frankly, even though I'm at work more than I'm anywhere else, it's not usually what I want to write about.  I want to write about my sweet husband who has been working nights the last few evenings and whom I miss terribly.  Seeing him from 4:45 - 6:30 just ain't cutting it.  I want to write about my little girl who started big girl daycare recently and is kicking butt at it.  She's crawling, pulling up, saying quite a few words, and pointing to EVERYTHING in sight while giggling about it.  I want to write about our house in Little Rock and the one here.  The one in Lubbock is officially on the market and has had 4 showings, but no offers yet.  We're hoping it sells soon.  We think our home here is pretty darn incredible and anybody would be lucky to have it.  I still haven't seen our home in Little Rock, but Evan has.  He went last Friday for the inspection and while, of course, the inspection report wasn't perfect (the house was built in the 70's so naturally things happen), it was apparently quite good for a house of that age and especially in our budget.

BUT today, I'll talk about my job.  For the most part, I like it.  I think the day flies by.  I mean, in general, I start getting a little flustered around 2:30, but by that part of the day, I have so little left that I don't mind it.

The kids continue to be VERY behavioral.  We have so many problems with about 15 kids per grade level that it causes the entire school sometimes to go crazy.  For the most part, I love the staff.  They're all in it together, are smart teachers, and work hard.  Of course everynow and then, one of them has a weak day, but who doesn't?  I definetely have days where I'm not at 100% and just feel like curling up in a little ball without accomplishing anything.  NOW that I'm an adult, I realize those were our favorite 'movie days.'  Ha.

HOWEVER, I've made a few observations since I've started teaching and I wanted to jot them down.  They're opinionated observations, I realize that, but I can finally say that I have enough knowledge to make solid observations:

(1) There is no way Liliana will be attending a public middle school until Texas gets their laws in order.  Currently in Texas, there is no limit as to how many students you can have in a classroom.  Even GREAT school districts have some classrooms with 30 students in there.  That's TOO many for one teacher to handle!  I am a HUGE believer in small classroom size.  The students get more indivudal attention.  Additionally, I'm not sure we challenge our kids enough.  We have some kids here that are BRILLIANT, but since they act just fine, they're not getting the attention they need.  I want teachers that NOTICE their good qualities and run with it.  I also want teachers that have the ABILITY to challenge them. 

(2) Teachers aren't the only important people in the system.  The vast majority of teachers at the school are actually quite smart.  I've been very impressed.  However, the system needs to remember that children see EVERYONE, not just the teachers in a classroom.  I hear some of the ways others speak to the kids and their grammar is horrendous.  If we want children to speak properly, we have to speak properly to them in the first place!  If we sound like idiots, they'll start sounding like idiots too!

(3) My children, whether they like it or not, will be CHALLENGED.  I've always known education is important, that's part of the reason I went to law school and part of the reason I found my spouse so attractive.  A well spoken educated man is incredibly sexy in my book.  But teaching has shown me the importance of education.  When I say education, I don't just mean being book smart.  I think extracurricular activities are almost as important.  I will STRESS EDUCATION until they're sick of it.  They need to be reading, they need to be trying their best, and most importantly, I need to make sure they're being CHALLENGED. 

Our children will go to a great school, maybe public maybe private...I'll have to do my research when the time comes.  But you can bet I'll make sure they're being challenged.  

Stuck in ISS

Today I was SO excited for school.  As you guys know, I'm the interventionist at my school.  And I do all subjects.  Yep, apparently I'm supposed to be a pro at each subject.  And I'm sure that sounds like a breeze to you, but let me give you a tiny little quiz to show you what I had to quickly review this week so I wouldn't sound like a complete and total idiot in front of the kids while I was TEACHING them the material ...

(1) What parts of an atom are located inside and outside of a nucleus?
(2) What is the mass of a particular element from looking at the periodic table?
(3) What are the stamp act and intolerable acts?
(4) What is the equation to find the slope of a line?

If you knew the answer to all of these, then more power to you and I guess I'm dumb.  However, if you're normal and not a total geek like me, you know what I'm talking about.  I know these aren't technically difficult, but I've forgotten everything I've learned from school!  But today, not today...TODAY I knew my stuff ... I was giddy about my lesson for today. Today was ... wait for it ...

CONSTITUTION DAY!

Yesterday afternoon I spent an hour thinking about the lesson plan I would give for Constitution Day.  I don't think you understand, the opportunity to teach the constitution is like crack for a law school graduate.  I made this fun flash card game and I found great reading material full of informational and interesting little tid bits.  I was ready.  I was stoked.

Then...

"the substitute for ISS cancelled just now.  We have nobody in there.  Would you please go in there?  All day."  So, that's what I've done.  I've sat in a room with all the trouble makers and have had to say "be quiet" "stay seated" "you may not speak to an adult like that" etc etc...all day long.  It has been frustrating to say the least.  And, it was my constitution day!  (I say like an over dramatic baby)

But, my ultimate goal, why I wanted to teach is because this is all supposed to be a team effort.  This is where the team needed me today and obviously, I was incredibly needed.  Somebody has to be in this room constantly.  They aren't even allowed to get a drink of water by themselves.  We all get in a single file line and walk down to do it twice a day.  It's very structured.  However, for some of these kids, it's their 3rd time in here, so I wonder "does this work?"  "Is this really punishment to them?  Or do they actually kind of like the peace and quiet?" I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know that even though I'm glad they trusted me enough to handle this responsibility today, I needed something positive to happen ...

Bank of America SAVED THE DAY!  Do you know what I ordered today, and completely for FREE? 

Behold our free Holiday gift to ourselves.  With our credit card we get points for every dollar we spend.  Normally we have to use them for something boring that has broken around the house, but this year we were fortunate and nothing happened.  So, we built up enough points to buy a RED WII!  And ain't it a beauty people?  I know you're thinking, "the Wii has been out forever.  You are a loser."

But, as I've repeatedly told you guys, we are cheap.  Very cheap.  The only other gaming system we own is a Game Cube that I bought used for Evan three years ago for $30.  This is a very special treat for us and we can't wait to play together.  Yippee!

Don't you just love the irony in this post?  I start off being mad at children for not acting more like adults, and I'm an adult that can't wait to play with a kids toy.  Shh....don't tell them.

A Message to the Bad Parents of the World

I feel like lately my blogging has taken quite a back seat to life.  I apologize to anybody that does actually read my posts.  Saying I've been busy would be an understatement.  Two weekends ago, Evan and I went to Little Rock for a residency interview.  We had an amazing time there and spent a great weekend with so many of his family members.  When we got back, the week went from tiring to flat out bad.  Liliana started running a fever and I couldn't get it to go down for over 48 hours.  Evan took her to the doctor and she has an ear infection!  That week was obviously not restful, but there was no break in sight because right after going to the doctor, I drove home from work and we went straight to Oklahoma City for another interview.  Oklahoma City was a blast as well.  We are FINALLY back in Lubbock and here to stay this weekend, thank goodness.  Our house is a freaking pig sty.

Anyway, I've had a couple people e-mail me asking what I think about my job.  I love it.  I really and truly do, but I haven't written about it much because I didn't want to upset my readers.  And so, I didn't write my blog the way I WANTED to the last few weeks.  And today, I thought about it and realized, "wait a second...I started writing this blog for ME, not for others" (no offense guys).  So, I'm writing what's been on my mind.

If you are going to be a crappy parent, stop having sex.  Flat out simple.  I don't even want you to use protection or do it at the perfect time of the month so you're for sure safe.  I don't want you to take any chances.  Because if you are going to be a crappy parent and if you're not going to care about your kids lives, you shouldn't get the privilege to have sex without having to face the consequences.  Because if something goes wrong, you are going to start a cycle of problems.

The school I teach at is known for being the toughest school in the district.  This particular school has more fights than any other school.  My first day, I was simply observing classrooms and I immediately noticed there was gossip (surprise surprise) in first period.

When I was in eighth grade, our gossip was about how we had received our first kiss.  This gossip, however, was that a girl was pregnant.  And she was devastated not because she was pregnant, but because he had broken up with her the day before she found out.  Granted, I hate to tell her, but he probably wasn't the man of her dreams anyway...

After talking it over with teachers, I heard that this was the second eighth grade pregnancy for this family.  Apparently, the day that they found out the sex of the baby, this girls Mom bought everyone in the class little socks.  The Mom was THRILLED about this pregnancy.  See, this Mom shouldn't have had kids.  Under no circumstance should you be PROUD of your children for having kids when they're 13.

Last week, all children had to watch a video about how bad the behavior is and how they need to stop getting in fights.  After the video, the football coach came in to talk and he told me that a few weeks ago, he heard rumors about a fight that was going to occur on a field after school.  He went out there to try and stop it.  You would never BELIEVE what greeted him...10 cars with parents inside CHEERING the children on to beat the crap out of each other.  THESE parents shouldn't have been allowed to have kids either.

  During the day, whenever kids are defiant, of course I do lose my patience.  But at the end of the day, it's this never ending cycle.  Bad, young parents raising children when they're not ready...and the cycle repeats.  I suppose my heart should just break for everyone involved, like it did today when one of the biggest trouble makers confessed that she just heard her Mom was going to jail for 3 years for drug possession.

I don't know what we, as a society, should do to fix the problem.  It's not the kids fault, but how can I blame the parents when that's probably the same way they were raised as well?

It's my job, and I'm not entirely sure I'm being successful at all, to do my best to try and show them not only discipline, but positive reinforcement.  Whenever I tell them "see!  You ARE smart!  You got this,"  I get a better response than when I say "I'm writing you a pink slip."  I just hope I'm doing the right thing, and I hope I can help, even if a tiny bit.  By 8th grade though, I think we're too late.

Again, I'm sorry if I offend some of my readers.  This post is full of A LOT of emotion.  I do love my new job, but it elicits a lot of feeling.  I refuse to give up.

I realize I'm being fully one sided, and I suppose that's what happens when you're full of anger.  Thanks for letting me vent it out.

Umm...THAT just happened...AGAIN!

So, remember how yesterday I wrote a post about my exciting new job?  That was cool.

Today, I was in Banana Republic trying on some sexy, yet outrageously conservative outfits (because by the way, their clearance items are an ADDITIONAL 40% off right now) and the phone rang.

It was an 806 number.  806 is the Lubbock area code.  And, I thought "oh my goodness...you've GOT to be kidding.  I got a teaching position didn't I?"

Sure enough.  It was an Assistant Principal and they were wondering if I'd be interested being an "interventionist."  My job is basically to help students that aren't understanding certain concepts and teach them in 30 minute increments.  It pays LESS than the law firm does, but substantially more than a substitute job would.  I told him I would have to think about it because money side of me was concerned. 

But then I remembered...I WANT TO TEACH!  This is AMAZING!  I called him back around 5 and told him the flat out truth.

"Umm...sir, I know typically you guys go through an interview process with multiple candidates, but here's the deal: I start another job TOMORROW."

The assistant principal told me to give him 5 to 10 minutes and he'd call me back.

Fast forward three and a half hours.  I was defeated and sad.  I told Evan I would NEVER get a teaching job and that they weren't even going to interveiw me because I had been too much of a pain on the phone (yeah, I can occasionally be overly dramatic).

At 8:30 (p.m. yeah.  Respect your principals...they work LATE!), the principal of the school called me and we had a 20 minute talking session.  I call it a talking session, but truthfully, it was an interview.  I just didn't know it at the time!

Long story short...I GOT THE JOB!  And when a full time teaching position becomes available, guess who has a great shot at it?  THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE...

Call me Mrs. Teacher! : )

My birthday is tomorrow by the way.  And, I feel pretty damn happy.

Now if you'd excuse me, I have to go do a VERY mature something and drink some wine with my husband to celebrate.

I Faint in Public, Look Like a Prostitute, and I'll be Teaching your Children

Approximately two weeks ago, I went here:

See that sign that says free ear piercing?  That's where I was.  For YEARS (and yes, I mean years), I've wanted to get a second hole in my ears.

According to my Mother, girls with second holes in their ears are prostitutes.  Yes, she literally told me this.  Apparently, and still to this day I don't believe her, when she was growing up in Puerto Rico, if girls had a second hole in their ears, it was a sign that they were prostitutes.

As you can imagine, getting a second hole was OUT OF THE QUESTION in our household.

So, when I got married, I decided I was finally going to take the plunge.  Then, I realized I was in law school and that some judges are jerks.  They make you wear panty hose in their courtroom and they make you take any piercings, other than one, out of your ears.  When I started clerking at the law firm, I went to the courthouse often, so piercing my ears was out of the question.

When I finally decided to teach instead of practice law, I started thinking again about how badly I wanted to look like a prostitute (aka pierce my ears).  When we went to get Liliana's ears pierced, I realized that even at 9 weeks, an earring can sure add a great deal of cuteness:

SO, I did it.  I got my ears pierced.  In the front window at Claire's.  And you know what?  It didn't hurt.  Seriously, I barely felt it.

But, next thing I knew...I was on the floor and Evan was looking at me with the biggest pity face ever.

I fainted.

In front of EVERYBODY in the mall.  I flat out passed out.  Thankfully, my husband's nearly a doctor because he saw me sliding out of my chair, carefully put me on the floor on my side (in case I threw up, which I didn't, thankfully), and just waited.

I woke up and felt like SHIT.  The EMS guy in the mall came with his handy dandy kit and asked if I needed anything.  The whole store was looking at me.  My daughter was being held by the lady that pierced my ears because Evan had to tend to his wimpy wife. 

So, tell me...was it worth my public humiliation?  And more so, do I look like a prostitute?  (ok ok...sorry I'm done teasing you Mom)...but seriously, do I?  I'll be in NY the rest of this week, so I want to know if I'm gonna be picked up on the streets, cause I tell you what, I wouldn't be cheap!  I have high standards.

 Excuse the photography. Evan loves taking pictures of me, even when I'm not posing.

On the plus side, guess who passed her teacher certification exam with flying colors?  This wimpy girl in the picture above might be at your kids school before you know it!  WOO HOO!

MORE Random Things on my Mind

I haven't blogged in a few days and I've actually had the intention to do so every single day, but I get too busy doing other things.  Since I had a bunch of blog posts in mind, I'll just break them up in to things going in our life right now.  I think the real reason that I haven't blogged is because I can't really blog about the things on my mind.  It's about Evan.  He's applying for residency programs and I have to stay mum about what he chose (whether Urology or OB/GYN) and all that this entails.  ANYWAY, let's start with my randoms huh?

What I Can Say About Evan's Decisions

For my new readers, let me give you a little background.  My husband is now in his fourth year of medical school and he is having to decide what to do with his life.  Needless to say, he has been rather stressed about it all.  He finally decided what career path he wants and I am SO happy for him.  This away rotation really helped make his decision and I'm confident he chose right.  Now starts the application process.  Oh my.  The applications themselves will cost approximately $1,000, but that's honestly the smallest of the problems.  He's applying to quite a few out of state programs to ensure he gets a residency spot and this means LOTS of airfare and lots of traveling (well, assuming he gets some interviews).  In applying to spots, this has left us asking "would we live here?"  For instance, we chose NO to New York City because we don't want to have our little baby girl and live in the city with a salary of $45,000 (what residents make).  We can't rely on my getting a job when taking these things into consideration, because what if I don't?  I'm obviously going to be looking, but we can't say "oh yeah, and you'll be making $60,000 with your job, because with today's economy, there are BIG chances it won't work. The other scary thing is that we cant' really afford for me to travel as well.  The residencies in medical school work really stupidly.  After he interviews, we'll list our favorite programs in order and then on one day he'll get an envelope, open it up, and it'll TELL US where we're living for the next few years.  Yup.  That envelope will contain our fate.  For now, we're planning on me traveling to a select few if he gets an interview simply because we wouldn't mind the locations at all.  SOOO sorry... nothing can really be revealed for a few months, but I will update on whether he's getting interviews and whether Liliana and I are joining him on the trips.

Where Am I?

 I have somehow managed to not mention what's going on in my academic life lately.  I've still been happy with my decision not to practice law.  I have been studying for one of the teacher certification exams and ... it's kinda hard!  I know you're thinking "oh you stupid girl" but I'm doing something called a generalist test where I would be certified in social studies, math, science, and English for 4 - 8 grade.  Well, did you know that 8th grade math is actually rather difficult?  Also, I forgot ALL of it.  Even still, I like it.  I'm set to take it on September 27th, but if for some reason, I'm not ready for it, I can postpone and that won't be the end of the world.  I'd like to keep it there though because we're going to New York on September 30th for my brother in law's wedding and I'd like to be stress free as much as possible for that trip.  This will be Liliana's first airplane ride, so wish us luck!

Radio

Excuse the yellow font, but I'm going for fall themed introductions today...I can't wait for fall!  It's my favorite time in Lubbock.  See, in San Antonio the leaves don't change, but here in Lubbock it actually changes seasons.  YAY!  ANYWAY, if you can't read, the yellow font says "Radio."  In Lubbock, I NEVER listen to the radio.  It's all country music and country isn't my favorite to say the least.  Here in San Antonio, I've listened whenever I'm in the car and .... holy crap I hate the radio.  They literally play the SAME 5 songs.  For instance, last week I was meeting my godmother for lunch and when I arrived they were playing a rap song.  I don't mind rap, in fact, I like it a lot.  But, it bothered the crap out of me that when I left the restaurant and got in the car, the SAME EXACT song was playing again.  Radio hosts have a WORLD of options...why must they insist on boring us.

Rihanna

Guys, I have a mad crush on Rihanna.  I love that new song she sings with Eminem (yeah I know ... am I 16 or what?).  And after seeing a few of her videos on You Tube last night, I realized she single handedly has the best body in Hollywood.  She has officially taken the hot body award from Jennifer Lopez and moved Jennifer Lopez's big butt aside.  Whenever I've gained some weight, I always take a picture of a celebrity and post it as my computer background.  Jennifer was on the background for a LONG time...I mean she's beautiful and Puerto Rican so I was in love.  But, Jenny has had a couple kids and although she still looks FREAKINGISHLY HOT, my new lady love is Rihanna.   Behold the new picture that will appear on my lap top as I continue trying to lose the baby weight and get ready for my curvalicious dress that I plan on wearing to the New York wedding.

Well I think I've bored you enough for today!  Hope everybody has a fabulous weekend!  We're heading back HOME after a long month away from our home sweet home.  While we're going to miss San Antonio and everybody here, we can't wait to put Liliana back in HER nursery and we can't wait to put ourselves into our COMFY bed.  Nothing like sleeping in your own bed...can't wait. 

Texas Travel...with a Newborn

Sorry for my hiatus.  I've been unavailable for the last few days because we have been SO busy.  While studying for the bar exam, the posts were plentiful because I sat in front of my computer all day every day.  When I would take a break, I would write a quick post if Liliana was napping at the same time and I didn't want to wake her.  Now though, we're up and moving around and writing on my blog hasn't been as easy as planned.  That being said, I've missed it even though it's been less than a week!  It's so nice getting your thoughts out on paper (or shall I say screen).

In the last week, we have spent a majority of the time in the car driving around the state of Texas.  We live in Lubbock, Evan's dad lives outside of Dallas, and my family and Evan's mom live in San Antonio.  As you can imagine, this usually accounts for many many hours in the car. Before, it was just a pain in the butt to drive that much but now, with a kid, it's a whole new world.  To make matters worse, we had to take separate cars.  Oy.  Driving from Lubbock to Dallas last Tuesday wasn't so bad.  Liliana stayed in my car for 4 straight hours and slept or kept herself entertained by looking outside the window, but barely cried.  For the remaining hour, Evan took her and she did pretty well but by then was getting sick of being in a car...who can blame her?  Then fast forward to Friday.  I got Liliana for 3 hours and then Evan took her.  The trip from Dallas to San Antonio is normally 5 hours but was 6.5 hours in SO much traffic.  Poor Evan had to endure quite a lot of screaming and crying from the baby.  We have essentially decided that people come to us now.  We have the baby, you wanna see her, come on over!  This traveling thing sucked pretty bad.  Fortunately we won't be driving around for a while because we'll be in San Antonio for an entire month!  Evan is here doing an away rotation with a private practice Urology group and already started this morning.  He's really excited for it all.  He will do clinic a few days a week  and be in surgery a few days a week as well.  He's been practicing his suturing on sponges around the house for the last two weeks...ahh the life of being married to a medical student.

In Dallas, I think I saw my husband fall 20 times more in love with Liliana.  Now, let me make it clear, even before Dallas, Evan was crazy about this little girl.  I know a lot of people say that about their husbands and kids, but really...Evan is obsessed with her.  My husband is a pretty quiet guy when it comes to speaking about his emotions.  He definitely has his opinions on many things in life, but he just is a typical guy...they don't usually say how they feel.  With Liliana that has changed SO much.  He tells me multiple times a day that she's the best baby ever, the most beautiful baby he has ever seen, that he can't believe just how much he loves her, that he doesn't know how he lived before she came along, etc. etc. And even if he's not saying it, I see the love.  He looks at her and smiles while his eyes are filled with love for her.  I love seeing it.  What a fabulous husband and father.  He has been so utterly perfect with her: changes diapers all the time, feeds her, washes anything, it really is a 50/50 system and we have so much fun being a team through it all.

So...back to Dallas.  Evan, for those of you that don't know, was/ is a swimmer and swam competitively for a few years.  He still goes a few times a week and it's by far his favorite hobby.  Naturally, he wanted to get Liliana in the pool as soon as possible.  And the girl LOVES it.  He has put her completely underwater at least 10 times already and she has never even let out half a cry.  She completely relaxes and practices her head control the whole time.  He gets this look of complete pride and happiness when we're in the pool with her.  It is the sweetest thing you've ever seen.

Now that we're in San Antonio we've been driving around the city like crazy because everyone wants to see Liliana.  Everyone has fallen in love with her.   She got to meet her godmother for the first time and Joanna is obsessed with her.  She doesn't really care if we're there...just Liliana.  My aunt, godmother, some of our great family friends, one of my uncles (the Urologist that Evan's working with this month), and some of Evan's family met her for the first time too.  Everybody thinks she's just beautiful and that she resembles her Daddy a lot.  Lately, we've had a couple people say that she resembles my father a little and I can see that.  She has started getting some more features from her Mama.  Her face shape and skin color are definitely Ramirez. 

So that's what we have been up to here.  Evan's starting work, Liliana is going through a growth spurt so wanting to eat even more than usual, and sleeping AMAZINGLY well.  In fact, last night she went 8 hours straight.  Have I mentioned how much I love this little girl? Ha. 

As for me, I already ordered my books to study for my certification and they're on their way.  I'll write about that soon.  Let's just say I'm surprised at how little I know.  I have forgotten EVERYTHING I learned in middle school and high school and it's now my goal to relearn it all.  Let the studying commence!

Reactions

After making my big decision less than a week ago, my news has started to leak.  And, for the VAST majority the reaction has been very positive.  Most people we've talked to said, "Yeah, we were wondering how you guys were going to manage a resident working 80 hours a week, a new associate working 60 hours a week, and having a baby without any help in Lubbock."  All I kept thinking was: "Why the heck didn't you guys tell us BEFORE I had a mental breakdown?" Haha.  I want to thank everybody, either on Facebook or on this blog, for their uplifting comments!  To whomever wrote that I was thier SI for Political Science, you have no idea how happy that made me.  Evan was in the shower and I literally ran over there just to tell him.  It was like a sign.  It was someone telling me "You're not crazy!  This is the right decision for you!" I wish I could comment on each individual's kind words because they all meant so much!!  So, THANK YOU for the support!

Everybody has had these amazing tidbits of wisdom that have really had an effect on me.  For instance, I've heard a lot of "You have to do what makes you happy."  And there is so much truth in this statement. I've also heard "You have to make sure to fulfill your wifely ahd household duties."  Now while I agree with this, because I am of course, first and foremost a mother and wife now, I want it to be clear that this was not the main reason why I made this decision.  This is similar to the fact that Evan's main jobs are husband and father as well, but he is still pursuing medicine.  Evan likes medicine and I didn't like law.  It really was as simple as that.  Evan and I are big with balancing.  We don't consider one career more important than the other. For these reasons, I feel that my new decision might require some explanation (that, or I just want to write more about it...my mind is obviously running rampant with thoughts about this).

I want it to be clear that this decision was not solely based on trying to succumb to my husband becoming a doctor.  I am not, nor have I ever been, the type of woman to simply tell my husband it is his duty to provide for us.  Now, obviously I'll make less money than he will, but if it had ended up being the reverse situation for some reason, we would have been ok with that.  Each person must do what they like...that's our #1 rule.  If I had never planned on working outside of the house, I would not have endured 3 difficult and grueling years of law school.  I would not have studied my butt off during college to get a full scholarship to law school.  I am a very independent woman.  Evan knows this and he knows that for me, personally, staying at home never has been an option.  I don't want to offend people with this comment, becuase I realize the staying at home v. working mom debate is incredibly controversial.  Some of the BEST moms I know stay at home: my sister-in-law, my Madrina, my Aunt, and plenty others.  I believe it's a decision for each couple to make together.  Evan knows that staying home isn't what I want and fortunately, he prefers I don't stay home as well, so that's what we've decided.  I think it's silly that people debate this topic because it's so personal...there is no point in arguing it.  Just let each family do what is best for them!! 

Furthermore, many people have said they are proud that I am taking a "break" from working for a while. Again, I want it to be clear that this is not my intention in the slightest.  In fact, the other screens open on this computer are all about taking certification exams to get my teaching certificate.  I have already applied for the programs and as soon as Texas A&M gets their act together, they'll be sending my transcript over. 

Yes, my job as a teacher will be less time consuming than it would have been as a brand new associate, but I am not the type of girl to just do this job haphazardly.  I plan on working my booty off and being the best teacher I can be.  And when Evan is done with his residency, it will be his turn to slow down some so that I can get my masters.  Again, it's a balancing act with us.  But even more than that, I want others to know that it wasn't made solely because I want to spend more time with Liliana (which of course was part of my decision process).  The main reason though, was because I didn't want to practice law!  I didn't like the material.  That was the ultimate factor in my decision. 

I do have a little caveat to make:  to any other lawyers that read my blog...I'm sorry if this recent decision has been offensive to you guys!  I want you guys to know that I will defend this profession to my grave.  I think lawyers do amazing work and I know, personally, that it takes A LOT of hard work to get there.  It just wasn't for me.  Plus think of it this way, this is one less lawyer to compete with for jobs and clients.

So more reactions...my brother told me I surprised the crap out of him (literally, he got food poisoning on a vacation he's on with Annie right now).  But, he also told me he's 100% at peace with my decision.  He, in a very honest manner, told me he was scared he had been losing me under this blanket of stress I had lived under.  Yesterday we saw one of my best friends Ashley.  She told me I looked so ridiculously happy.  Those are the kinds of comments I need to hear.  I've had some of my parents friends call me telling me not to give a 'bleep' about what others think because people change careers all the time and life is too short.  I've had alot of people telling me I was very brave to admit this mistake of going to law school.  This one has probably stuck with me more than anything else.  This decision WAS NOT EASY.  I thought long and hard about it, to the point that I got a horrible headache.  But since I've made the decision, I haven't turned back.  In fact, yesterday while other students were taking their bar exam, we were on our way to Dallas for Liliana to see family...see...it wasn't just a good decision, it was the PERFECT decision.

Today was supposed to be my Losing the Baby Weight day and I completely forgot! So sorry!! My mind has obviously been preoccupied.  I'll do it tomorrow hopefully.  I haven't worked out in a week because my stomach has literally been SO upset with all that was going on.  So I'm not expecting the best results.  But, I'm working out today because there is nothing to be upset about after all...I'm finally happy.  Ah...that sounds nice to say...I'm happy.