Anxiously Awaiting Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day for our family, for two big reasons. 

About 14 months ago, Liliana got sick with horrible fevers that ended up being a Urinary Tract Infection.  After a lot of tears and worries, we got a VCUG and found that she had Grade 2 Urinary Reflux (which means her urine goes in to her kidneys a little bit when she pees).  The worry with this is that if she has a UTI, infected urine would get in to her kidneys.  The doctor said that we had to get a repeat VCUG annually until either she grew out of it or ... well, I'm not sure what we do until then.  Fortunately, we know a great Pediatric Urologist (ok, so it's Evan's attending and he's an Aggie here in Little Rock so I am pretty sure he's exactly what this Mommy needed to feel at peace) and he'll tell us what to do if we need to change our routine.  Long story short, Liliana's repeat VCUG is tomorrow morning.  Last year, my Mom did the procedure on her so I was able to sit down because I hate hospitals / needles / etc. and faint, but this year, Evan will be working and my Mom is at home ... so it's me and Lilibear.  I've got to put my Mommy big girl pants on and be her rock!  And I really hope I don't fail her while they're doing the catheter and VCUG.  I'm HOPING they'll find no reflux.

Lots of hopes in the morning and lots of hopes in the afternoon too ...

The SECOND big thing: I go back to my OB/GYN tomorrow.  I will be 34 weeks tomorrow and am so glad that I'm there already.  34 weeks is a BIG yay for any pregnancy, especially one that has you on bedrest.  Bed rest has been ROUGH.  I hate being lazy, yes, but it's the emotional part that I wasn't expecting.  Every contraction has me worrying, I cry when I have a few of them because I DREAD the idea that they might not stop.  I want her to stay inside my womb for 3 more weeks.  Do I think this will happen?  Probably not.  And it frustrates me.  I get mad and ANGRY at women that say "I just can't wait to not be pregnant anymore!" and beg for induction at 38 weeks because here I am WISHING I would be able to experience a pregnancy until then.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I would be saying the opposite if I was in their situation, but it's just a frustrating thing to read about. 

A couple nights ago, I was having some painful contractions while at dinner and started crying.  Not because of the pain, but because of the fear of being in labor. 

Just being frustrated that this situation isn't exactly what I wanted.

It's silly of me to be thinking of being frustrated because pregnancy and motherhood have taught me that you can't plan ANYTHING.  Anyway, so I started crying through a contraction and Liliana said the funniest thing.  In our house, when Liliana gets in time out she has to say sorry and then give a hug before getting out of time out.  When Liliana saw me crying, I think it scared her because she never sees that.  When Liliana cries, that usually means she's in time out so in the middle of this contraction she said "Mommy, are you sorry?"  And I started CRACKING UP.  I said "yup, Mommy's sorry!" and she came over to hug me, Evan was hugging me, and I was officially out of time out. ; )  It was sweet.  And it made me realize that I am SO blessed to have what I have. 

My little girl took me out of my "time out/ funk" momentarily a couple days ago and I am so thankful for her.  I'm so thankful for my husband who has been asking me CONSTANTLY how I am, has been giving me hugs/ kisses/ support/ has done EVERYTHING around the house etc.  Yes this bed rest / Liliana having a procedure won't be the best day, but then again, I have some amazing blessings right in front of me. (Liliana, my hubby, and this big belly!)