Scared Senseless

Something about pregnancy just makes women scared.  Correction: makes ME scared (though I don't think I'm alone in this boat).

First, I was scared we'd have a hard time getting pregnant with #2 since I got diagnosed with PCOS.  I knew we had gotten pregnant on month #1 off birth control with Liliana and thought that was our lucky shot.  The luck was done.  Turns out, we're very fortunate and I got pregnant month #1 with this one too! 

So once that worry is done, you go through the first trimester worrying about miscarriage.  Fortunately I have such bad morning sickness that I don't worry about it TOO much because I know something is in there and sticking.

The second trimester is normally people's favorite.  And it wasn't too bad for me either.  Relatively worry free.  Finally the third trimester comes in and though most people relish it, start noticing more pains, and count down the days, I want the days to actually tick down.  I would LOVE to see "days until due date" go below 25 because I never saw that with Liliana.

This last week has had me in a CONSTANT state of fear. 

I delivered Liliana a month early just because I went in to labor naturally, not because of issues, but just because my body was done being pregnant.  This go around, my Doctor was planning on checking my progress at 34 weeks to make sure all was ok and was going to do my Strep B test then as well.

But this week has been full of worries: I've had tons of cramps (just like I'm starting my period, but not), had a tiny bit of spotting, had abdominal pains, upset stomach, nausea, and a few contractions everyday.  This is TOO early to be experiencing these worries.  Normally this might not seem like a big issue, but with Liliana I had TWO (yes, TWO) contractions and already heard that I was dilated, 100% effaced, and +2 station.  If this was the same as last time, I would never make it to 36 weeks with all the symptoms I've been experiencing.

Most days I consider going to the hospital and getting checked to make sure I'm not going in to labor too early.  After a week of it, I just can't take it.  I called today and go see the Doctor at 2:15.  I have this big fear that I've already progressed some.  I know that the chances of this aren't that likely.  I spent over an hour last night looking up preterm labor chances with #2 and apparently I have about a 1/3 chance of it happening again.  So that means there's a 2/3 chance that I'm over thinking this.

But this Mom and mom-to-be is scared senseless.  I want to keep this baby inside of my womb as long as humanly possible...preferably another 4 weeks.  But if 2 weeks is all I get, I guess it's better than nothing.  But 4 weeks, that's my goal.  Now let's just see the chances of that.