Parenting Advice

This week at Show us Your Life is Parenting Advice.  I'm sure every single blogger is going to say there is no such this as being a perfect parent, and I think that's true.  I also think each blogger will say that they're still learning how to parent, and I think that as long as you know that, you're headed in the right direction.  My Dad always tells me that when children are born they don't come with a "How to be the world's greatest parent" book.  And although Liliana is only 14 months old, I have learned a GREAT DEAL about parenting already.

I've decided to give you guys MY piece of advice, and then my favorite Dr.'s piece of advice to parents (aka Liliana's Daddy).

Cristina's Parenting Advice:  TEAMWORK

I HATE the notion that it is the woman's job to get up every night and give the babies their bottle or that women change the majority of diapers, etc.  I think parenting is ALL ABOUT TEAMWORK.  I think women too often think their husband's can't handle doing these things or don't know how to do them correctly and honestly, I think that's showing so very little faith in your spouse!

When I go see a new baby in a house, I'm astonished at how many Dad's aren't ever waking up in the middle of the night or how many Dad's simply hand the baby over to Mommy when the baby has gone to the restroom.  REALLY?

If you MADE the baby, then CHANGE the baby ... that's my motto!

Evan and I are ALL ABOUT TEAMWORK in our household.  Since Liliana was born we've made it a big point to do this TOGETHER in every single way possible.  If one of us is getting her changed because she got her outfit dirty, the other is washing her bottles, putting the dirty one in the hamper, and choosing a new one.

Do you know what the result of all of this is?  Less frustration on either parents part!!  When Liliana is fussy, I only have to deal with HALF the fuss because Evan's there to help pick her up half the time.

Now that he has started residency, this has obviously changed some.  He works ridiculous hours and quite honestly, he has literally shed tears because he sees her so much less.  That being said, when he gets home he tells me to go to the couch, relax for 30 minutes, and just does everything with Liliana.  WHENEVER we have a diaper change while he's around, he does it, whether we're at Target or home because he knows that since he's started residency, he owes me! : )

We honestly make parenting a JOYFUL thing not a stressful thing!  People always joke with us that they've never seen parents FIGHTING over who gets to bathe her or put her to bed.  We switch who gets these honors every night so to us, yes it is a privilege!  SO YES, TEAMWORK.

You both made the sweet thing, now both PARENT.  Parenting isn't just fun or just discipline.  It's a TON of things in between and you BOTH should be involved throughout it all.

 ENJOY their smiles. 

Dr. Daddy's Advice:  They Will be FINE

I told Evan I was going to write this post today and he said "my best parenting advice to parents?  The kid is going to be FINE!"

Throughout medical school Evan worked quite a lot in the pediatric clinics and time after time he saw parents concerned about: "the baby isn't eating well, the baby isn't pooping, the baby isn't as mobile as he should be," etc.  I am going to say RIGHT NOW that I am NOT AT ALL judging these kinds of mothers ... I become that mother ALL THE TIME!

And do you know what Evan tells me every single time I express concern?

SHE IS GOING TO BE FINE.

And gosh darn it, he has been right every single time.

When Liliana turned one, I was SO concerned because she wasn't walking yet.  I fussed about it every single day.  Evan kept telling me 'are you serious?  She'll walk!'

Well ... guess who was right?  I now have a 14 month old that NEVER crawls, and more like RUNS everywhere.

 Running at the AWESOME splash pad we have downtown

Dr. Daddy always puts in a caveat and says "we'll keep an eye on this and if EVER we think there's a need to do something, then we'll do it!"

And he has kept his word.  If I ever tell him, "no I think she's sick enough to take to the Doctor," he never makes fun of me.  We're a TEAM so he's on my side.  And I'm on his side, because the majority of the time, I have learned, she is going to be FINE! : )

My sweet girl, Liliana, playing in her tunnel.

The Importance of NOT Saying "No"

Yesterday, like a conceited little know it all snot, I blogged about the importance of saying no.  And I have to admit, I was feeling rather cocky afterwards.  Like a know it all parent ... after not even a YEAR.

At dinner time, Liliana started fussing some.  She does the thing where she screams for no reason.  She's been doing it for weeks.  She's not crying.  She's just screaming.  For fun.  Lovely.

So last night she started her screaming thing.  Evan and I could hardly understand eachother as we were trying to discuss how our days went.

I decided it was time to start teaching her the word "shhh."  I put my finger over my mouth and said "Liliana NO. shhh."  She started figuring it out.  Evan and I felt pretty darn good about ourselves.  She, like a wonderful and good child quieted down.  She seemed a little perplexed, but we figured it was time to start teaching her that screaming in pubic isn't ok.

Later in the evening, I was hugging her and realized she felt awfully warm.  I told Evan and he said she felt fine to him.  Sometimes I overexaggerate things, so I chalked it up to that and kept on with our evening.

Fast forward to bath time.  As I'm undressing her, she STILL feels warm so I apologize to Evan for not believing in his doctorly advice and stick the themometer in the ... you know where.

Bam.  Fever of 101.9.

I told my child to quiet down and "no" and "shhh" and she was screaming to me that she didn't feel well.

I should win for worst parent of the year.

I'm home today with her because even after Ibuprofen last night, she had a slight fever when she woke up.

And today, after another hour of being on medicine, she's STILL running a slight fever.

So I suppose the point of this post is ... don't always just say "no."  Sometimes you should consider that they might be trying to tell you something. 

Like my parents said ... and they are so right ... there are NO books with all the rules on how to parent.  But from now on, I'll try my best to step back and ask myself "am I saying NO for the right reason?"

In the mean time, I'll be making Strawberry Cupcakes while she naps ... maybe eating some of those in the afternoon will let her forgive Mommy!!!

The Importance of "No"

I'm not opposed to saying the word "no" to your children.  And personally, I believe in saying it early.  I am so sick of going to restaurants and seeing kids running around and disturbing others.  I'm sick of the saying "kids will just be kids" when the kids are in fact just being brats ... and continue to be brats for too long.

I've always had this opinion but when you don't have kids, you're not "allowed" to have them. Before Liliana was born, I would make statements such as "well when we have kids, we'll still watch TV while they sleep because they need to learn to sleep with some noise."  And all that I was told was "just wait until you have kids."  I can proudly report that as I type this, my TV is on, and Liliana is taking a nap.  Oh and before you ask, it's on at a reasonable level ... not on mute.

When Liliana started doing things, such as yanking on my necklace, I immediately started saying "no."  The first time she did it?  It didn't go well. 

She laughed.

At 3 1/2 months of age, Liliana laughed at me for saying "no."  And I did it in a stern voice too!

But with time, the "no"s have continued.  When she does something REALLY bad (like try to put her finger in the electrical socket) she gets a big NO and a little slap on her hand.  And I don't believe that I should say "no" and then give her another toy.  If she's trying to play with the remote (her favorite thing in the world after food), I tell her no and that's that. 

Yes, she tries throwing tantrums.  In fact, we get a face very similar to this:

But slowly but surely, the temper tantrums are lasting shorter and shorter.  If I tell her "no" she quickly takes her hand off whatever she's holding.  She KNOWS what it means already.  And she even shakes her head "no" sometimes too!

But I'd rather her TRULY know the meaning of it because the last thing you want is to realize they don't understand right AFTER they put a nickel in their mouth and swallow it.  OR in my case, right after Liliana ate the little gravel at the bottom of the fireplace. 

I think the word "no" is so very important with children.  And I know that when she's 2 or 3, it will get harder because it will start to be the ONLY word I get to use! ha. 

But I feel that starting from when they're YOUNG (you know, when they were 3 1/2 months and started trying to take your earrings out and yanking them so hard that you want to yell) is so useful. 

There isn't a parenting rule book.  That's something my parents always tell me.  And it's so true.  But I'm pretty sure that using the word "no" in a useful, not mean, but helpful style can definitely be in a rule book ...

The good news is that even AFTER you say no ... your sweet baby will still want to be with her Mommy and Daddy.

3 VERY Useful Parenting Tips...

Although I've only been a parent for 5 months, I can say I've learned a few things.  None of them are very insightful.  I can't tell you how to raise good caring children, because clearly, my daughter is the best baby ever, so you guys don't come close to having a baby nearly as awesome as mine.  Wowza, this Mommy is a LITTLE biased huh?

In all seriousness though, I have learned quite a few VERY useful things.  Unfortunately for me, I've learned these things because I've had to learn the hard way to get them right.  Lucky for my readers though, you can read these and never make the mistakes I've made ...

So after being a Mommy for 5 months, here are the three most important tid bits of advice and lessons I can pass along:

(1) Borrow the hospital's nasal aspirators forever.
As I wrote about in my last blog post, Liliana got pretty darn sick last week.  She had a fever, a NASTY cough, and a crap ton of boogies.  A crap ton of boogies made us actually USE the nasal aspirator that you always see parents using.  They sell these in first aid kids.  Those suck.  They even sell similar, knock off ones at Target for 3 bucks a piece.  Those suck too.  The ONLY useful ones are the ones from the hospital.  So when you're leaving the hospital, make sure a family member distracts the nurse and you can just throw that thing in your diaper bag.  I can't tell you how much better this one is.  The ones in the first aid kit come apart.  Why you would make a two piece nasal aspirator is beyond my level of comprehension I suppose, because the thing just falls apart.  As for the Target ones ... it would work, if the thing actually sucked the boogers out. Really, they stink.  So, borrow one...forever.  I'll actually be asking Evan to "borrow" another one now that I know how much I love them.  I would die if we lost ours.

(2) Stretch your butt.

Let me explain because this sounds awfully naughty.  When I was pregnant, I thought my back hurt.  Oh I moaned and got massages from Evan on a daily basis (seriously, he's the  best husband ever...he OFFERS every time.  I NEVER ask...so nice).  Anyway, fast forward to being a Mother and holding your 16 pound baby for a few hours.  Now THAT my friends, leads to a SOOOOORE back.  And the worst part about it is that you can't just lie on the couch like when you were pregnant.  When the baby wants you to hold her, you have to actually get up and hold her.  No breaks, sorry buddy.  Now when I was pregnant, I figured out (with the educational medical help of my husband) that ALL those back muscles are attached to your glutes.  So, every evening before bed, I stretched my gluts and when I woke up in the morning, I did the same thing.  Within a week, my pregnancy back pain went from an 8.5 to a 3.5.  Now I'm doing my stretches again and that's helping because let me tell you...WOWZA it gets SORE.  On the plus side, thanks to Liliana, I now have the most toned delts you've ever seen.

You probably STILL have no clue what I'm talking about.  Here...I took this off of Google.  This is what I mean by 'stretch your butt.'

 p.s. DO NOT Google "butt stretches."  

It will scar you for life. 

(3) Pack a shirt in your diaper bag.

Remember how I wrote this post about what to pack in your diaper bag?  Well, recently I learned that I forgot a pretty essential item.  We were at Target and had to go in really quickly to buy two items.  I had  Liliana in my hands and Evan had a little basket.  Before I knew it, I felt a bunch of liquid on my shirt and heard it hit the floor.  Oh no, she had spit up.

Well...does THIS look like spit up?

That's right guys, your kids can pee ALL OVER your shirt in Target, even if their diaper had been changed less than an hour ago.  And when you realize your daughter just peed all over you and the floor, the only thing that comes out of your mouth is...

"Shit Evan.  Go buy me a shirt."

And I walked ran out of the store.  See that little shirt in my left hand?  That was my new shirt.  The shirt that I SHOULD HAVE packed in my diaper bag.  So remember, both the kids AND YOU need an extra shirt.

Have a GREAT weekend!  I hope nobody goes pee pee on your shirt!

I Don't Feel Guilty That . . .

Since Liliana was born over 12 weeks ago, I've admittedly had moments where I feel like I'm the worst mother in the world!  Some blogs out there are pretty darn brutal with their opinions of ways Moms raise their children.  After reading them, I always ask myself, "why don't I have the strong urge to stay home?" or "why don't I feel horrible about not breastfeeding her?"  I've even occasionally thought maybe Evan and I shouldn't have that many more children because I'm obviously missing that "Mommy gene" that everyone else around me possesses. 

However, after talking about this with Evan a million times, I actually finally and for the first time in 8 1/2 years, listened to my husband!  He has shown me and told me multiple times that everyone is a different kind of mother and just because you don't parent like someone else or just because your child doesn't act like others doesn't mean anything!  Every couple and every family will function in their own way, and I think as mothers, we need to start cutting each other some slack!!  Every Mommy has her own Mommy gene, and that's OK.

So after reading blog after blog that enhanced my Mommy guilt, I've decided to write a little bit about things I refuse to feel guilty about anymore.  Whether you're a mother or not, I think everybody should write a "I Don't feel guilty that" list everynow and then.  It's nice to realize that you're doing your best.

SO, HERE GOES:  I DON'T FEEL GUILTY THAT . . .

I didn't breastfeed Liliana:  I have read on some blogs things such as "well, your daughter isn't going to have a very high IQ because you didn't breastfeed her."  I sat there at my computer in shock thinking, well how do you respond to that?  "Well, GREAT!  That's what I had hoped... for Liliana to be dumb."  For starters, and not to toot our own horn, but Evan and I are a pretty smart couple: a doctor and a law school graduate does not usually a stupid kid make.  I was formula fed, by the way, and it turned out ok!  I think it's a horrbile thing to make mothers feel guilty about this decision.  For us, it's been wonderful.  Evan and I have split the feedings pretty darn evenly and this has been so special to see him bond with her.  In fact, I feel that the time I bonded with Liliana first wasn't when I breastfed her (which I did the first 3 days in the hospital), but when I first saw him give her a bottle.  It was so breathtakingly beautiful.  Plus, since we had two HUGE tests that we were studying for, our sleep was essential and the formula feeding helps with that.  Anyway, long story short: I don't feel guilty and I think it's pretty mean for other bloggers to make Mothers feel guilty about it.  Moms, just do what's best for you two...whether you want to breastfeed or formula feed, it's a personal decision!!

That you leave them in their bouncy chair for a nap instead of the crib:  As I posted about earlier, Liliana goes to sleep AMAZINGLY...unless it's nap time.  For some reason, the girl abhores sleeping in her crib during the day.  So, I don't feel guilty anymore that she just takes that hour long nap in her bouncy chair.  I do try every single day just to see if things have changed, but inevitably, I succumb to her wishes and she sleeps in that bouncy chair.  It makes for a happy baby and a happy Mommy.

For wanting alone time with your husband:  Evan and I still take time EVERY SINGLE day to have "us" time.  Now, I don't just mean that kind of time, although I feel it is so important as well. Here, in particular, I also mean adult conversation time.  We make it a point to not just talk about Liliana all the time (which I must admit, is hard sometimes because she's just so darn cute lately with all her smiles and coos).  Every single day we lay in bed or on the couch just talking about whatever. Sometimes it's about serious things such as what we want from our lives (he's applying for residencies right now and that has been really stressful) and sometimes we just laugh and tickle each other.  Every day we remind each other that in the beginning there were two.  That is SO important.  I don't feel guilty for desiring this alone time with my husband because I feel it makes me a better parent.

For leaving them for 45 minutes a day in order to workout:  Even while in San Antonio, I have MADE the time to workout at least 3 times a week.  I don't feel guilty that in this time period, Liliana is usually in her bouncy chair entertaining herself.  For me, it's important to stay (or try to get) physically fit.  I feel better about myself and am happier as a result.  Why would I feel guilty for wanting to be happier?  I love working out and then when I'm all gross and sweaty, I give her big hugs afterwards because she still loves me anyway.  ; )

For taking them to daycare:  I have read on SO many blogs that Mothers think it's selfish when other Moms take their children to daycare...this makes me very upset.  In fact, I read one blog where a Mother said, "don't you want to see your child walk for the first time?"  What kind of response are working Moms supposed to give?  "WELL, actually, I was hoping to NEVER see her walk!"  HA!  Liliana will be starting daycare in September so I can study for these teacher certification exams, and hopefully after that, I'll have a job!  This has probably been the hardest one for me to say: I don't feel guilty for being EXCITED about taking Liliana to daycare.  For now, I think the benefit will mainly be for me to study, but once Liliana really starts interacting, I can't wait for her to get to know other little kiddos her age and to start crawling and talking with other babies...it will get her socialized and I'll just watch her on the web cam at the daycare during any break I get.  I don't feel guilty for wanting to work while my baby is happily playing. 

I hope this post didn't offend anyone!  I just think it's important for Moms to step back and realize that everyone does their best!! 

Our Fool Proof Way to Get Liliana to Sleep

When we first brought Liliana home from the hospital, she feel asleep whenever and wherever we put her.  We thought this parenting thing would be so easy!  But, alas, she had to start growing up and those tear ducts started working.  Around week 8, it started getting pretty hard to put her in bed at night.  We tried it all, but inevitably she started crying and there we were an hour later still trying to get her to sleep.  I'm not going to lie, it was frustrating.  Once she fell asleep, she slept great, but getting her to sleep was pretty tough.

We tried getting her to sleep in our arms and transferring to the crib and this made her pretty furious as she awoke when we leaned over in to the crib.  Next we tried getting her to sleep in her favorite bouncy chair, but the second that we turned off the vibration on the bouncy chair, the crying ensued.  After a couple nights of Evan falling asleep next to her crib so that her crying wouldn't disturb my studying, we both knew things had to start changing.  I had an idea of just putting her in her crib and walking away.  This usually worked for about 30 minutes, but then she realized she was alone and it upset her too much.  What were we to do?

Evan then told me about a article/ blog that he read saying their fool proof method was to look for the FIRST sign of sleepiness in your baby and then putting them to sleep.  We decided to give it a try...it couldn't be any worse than the hour and a half it was currently taking right?  This method WORKS.  Now, I know that this might not work for all parents, but if it could just help one couple, then this blog post is worth it.  Since we tried this method nearly four weeks ago, we have NEVER had to go back in to Liliana's room. 

So here is our routine to put Liliana to sleep.  This method has worked flawlessly for four weeks and I assure you we don't look like newborn parents (you know, the ones with huge bags under their eyes).  We bathe Liliana (she LOVES bath time and even loves getting water on her head which apparently is quite uncommon).  Then we put her in her pajamas and give her a bottle.  Right after that, we watch her like a HAWK.  The second that we notice her eyes getting heavy or the second after she yawns, I nearly sprint to her crib and place her in.  After that she proceeds to watch her mobile and coo for usually 20 minutes, but she has never cried and then soothes herself to sleep.  They say that you shouldn't let a baby 'cry it out' until they're four months, but if this method that we've been using for the last month keeps up, we won't even have to succumb to that.

Now another word of advice on sleeping...we ADORE the mobile we bought.  I must give credit again to the best Daddy in the world because he chose this one for her.  It projects an image on the mobile and then when she's older, you take the mobile off and it projects the images on the ceiling.  You're probably thinking I'm one of those mothers that over analyzes her child's actions and knows what she's feeling...after all, how would I know that she loves this mobile?  Let me give you a little background: whenever Liliana is sitting there cooing herself to sleep, if the mobile turns off (which it automatically does after 20 minutes) she immediately starts to cry.  That isn't so hard because we just turn it back on with the handy remote it comes with.  Now, one time, the batteries ran out on it.  Evan and I ran around like chickens with our heads cut off looking for batteries and trying to keep her entertained until we could change them.  The girl LOVES this thing.  She watches it so intently and smiles the whole time it's on.  I swear, if it breaks I will go to Walmart that night to go buy another one.  Behold the adored mobile:

Fisher-Price Precious Planet 2-in-1 Projection Mobile

I hope this method helps some parents out there!  I am happy to report that Liliana has now slept through the night ( 7 - 8 hours) since she was 9 weeks old.  It gets even better...she is now sleeping about 9 hours straight...psh...this parenting thing is a BREEZE. ; )

Cord Blood Banking

The new thing is cord blood banking.  When my brother and Annie were pregnant with Sofia (my niece), my Mother, a pediatrician, considered giving this as a gift to all her grandbabies.  Cord blood can be quite expensive, so this would have been an amazing gift.  My mom, in her typical organized fashion, sat down one Saturday morning with an extensive amount of research and read about all the medical information anyone had ever printed. She decided it wasn't worth it.  That's the medical part of this discussion.  Maybe if Evan has time, he can blog about this some time.  Again, that will be the medical part.  Now, I wanted to blog about the legal battles occurring with Cord Blood Banking.

Currently, a large amount of private Cord Blood Banking corporations are being sued.  Why?  Because parents that invested approximately $2,000 are finding out that their good lump of cash is not going to do a thing for their sick children.  The parents leave feeling deceived, disappointed, and defeated.  On the one hand, this hardly makes a law suit.  Something that a lawyer eventually learns is that sh*t happens.  It sounds cruel, but is true.  However, this is not what the parents are upset about.  They are suing for "false advertisement and consumer fraud."

What really convinced me that this legal battle was being won by the consumer, as opposed to the Cord Blood banking companies, is the outcry that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Academy of Pediatrics have caused.  They have both voiced incredible concern over these companies and their only reason to do this is if they truly feel it isn't worth it for their patients.  After all, economically, you would think they would love the idea of cord blood banking.  Their skepticism is convincing.  They also agree that the marketing techniques are dishonest.  Instead, these organizations recommend donating the cord blood to a public bank.  These public banks make it free to anybody that needs them.

I suppose the legal question then is, to whom is it the responsibility of defragmenting the promises of advertising?  One case I read my first year of law school answers this question.  It was a case that involved a little boy dying in a fire due to a smoke alarm that did not go off.  The smoke alarm manual had in 10 point font in the middle of the brochure that said if placed within a certain distance of a corner, it would not go off.  The parents had not seen this, placed the smoke alarm in a corner, and unfortunately the fire spread too quickly.  In the holding, the court said the smoke alarm company was ultimately responsible, not the parents.  They said corporations hold an amount of responsiblity to let laymen know of unique circumstances, such as cord blood not being nearly as successful as they thought, or a random smoke alarm not functioning in certain places in a home.

The smoke alarm company was required to increase the font size, put it in bold, and place this placement statement on the first page of the brochure. 

The cord blood company needs to be honest in a bigger font size, bold print, and on the first page of each brochure.  But, they wouldn't be able to dupe all these parents then, would they?

How to be a Parent Part II

So approximately four weeks ago, I posted Evan's and I first three rules for parenting.  The first segment is here.

To recap though, our first three rules are: 
(1) No TV in the children's bedroom
(2) No Significant others in the children's bedroom
(3) 1 sport, 1 musical activity: maximum of 2 activities.

Well, since I'm officially in my 34th week, I figured that today would be a great day to continue on another three rules.

Allowance is to be earned
Similarly to the "no TV in children's bedroom rule" Evan's pretty adamant about this rule.  He was actually the creator of this rule.
Our parents had completely different rules with allowance growing up.  Evan got a very organized and set amount of money each month.  He did not have chores he had to do, it was just given to him. When they had chores they wanted the children to do (such as pulling weeds), they just told them to do it.  But they never had a set thing each week.
My allowance was never set.  I usually just went to to my Dad and said he hadn't given me lunch money for over a month and he remarked with a funny "you chunk-o, you shouldn't be eating as much" and would give me a kiss on the cheek and occasionally would remember that sure enough, he hadn't given me allowance in a while.  (by the way, my Dad is amazing...if some random person happens to read this blog, he wasn't serious about the chunk-o thing.  He always told me he thought I was too skinny if anything.  My Dad just jokes around a lot, this is our relatinoship and it's tough to explain, but we're really really close.)
I did have some chores to do, but must admit, it really wasn't bad.  I cleared the table and washed dishes in the evening and during the summers, I made my parents bed and watered the plants on the days the cleaning lady didn't come.  Like I said, I really was quite privileged and spoiled.
My parents did do one thing that I liked a lot though.  Starting my senior year of high school, the cleaning lady was not permitted to enter my room.  This meant that I started doing laundry, cleaning my room, etc.  I think this is a brilliant idea.  At least by the time I went to college, I knew how to handle a clogged toilet, sink, and how to get rid of lines on the bottom of my bath tub.  I know I was privileged, I'm not saying I wasn't.  I just at least appreciate that they did make me do this for a year. 
My Dad has told me before that one regret he has as a parent is that we (as in my siblings and I) had it too easy.  As much as I hate to admit it, I think he's right.  Evan thinks him and his siblings had it too easy as well.  For this reason, I do agree with Evan's rule.  Allowance will be earned and will be set as it was in his household. I like the organized method that his Mom set.  That fits with my personality too.  Each week the children will have different chores.  If they don't complete their chores, then no allowance...too bad, so sad.

Family Date Night Once a Month
This rule mainly will start to apply once the children want to go out on the weekends to be with their friends.  We're stealing this rule from my family, not Evan's.  Evan family had a tougher time accomplishing this because they were often at swim meets on the weekends, but even if our children are swimmers, they'll have to somehow set aside a night.  I have to admit, my family likes spending time together!  We didn't see spending time together as a punishment ever.  I think with Evan and his siblings, this was even easier to accomplish because they were all boys in the same age range.  But since Danny and I are of the opposite sex and nearly 8 years apart, it was good to make this a set rule.  So, once a month, it was a rule...we went out on a family date night: no significant others allowed.  The great thing about this was that we rotated who got to choose the date night.  While my family was good about spending time together (watching Spurs games or eating dinner together), we rarely did go out bowling together.  This rule made that happen, and I LOVED it.
We did lots of fun thigns together.  For instance, my Dad might choose going out to dinner as a family and we'd go to a really nice restaurant, not a quick meal.  It was the EVENING that we spent together.  I chose to go bowling.  Danny chose to go to Dave and Busters.  My Mom always chose really cute things too: going to see a play at the Majestic.
I'm already excited for these monthly date nights.  I hope our children enjoy them as much as I did.

No Friends in the Car for First FOUR Months
Our kids will hate this rule, but I think all parents have a similar rule.  In my family, this rule was for the first 6 months, and obviously since Carlos' death, it's completely understandable why they had it.  Evan's parents had this rule too...I think there's was for the first 3 months, thefore, four seems like a fair compromise.
 One thing we'll change from our parents though, is that we'll actually check up on them.  We both cheated with this rule!  We were stupid teenagers!! I don't know how we'll do it, but if it takes me sitting outside the movie theatre to make sure they're the only ones getting in the car, then that's what we'll do.  Having a car is a privilege.  If they don't follow the rules, then they'll get it taken away for a little while.

I just realized that with all these rules we seem like we'll be really strict.  We probably will be.  Correction: I will be. I think Evan will be more flexible than I will be, but not for everything.  I think I'll feel guilty and he'll have a much more "eh, they'll learn to deal with it" approach.
While I know we'll be strict for certain things, I also know that I want our children to be happy.  We will be fun parents.  This might be a great thing about the fact that we got pregnant sooner in life than we had intended.  We'll remember what it's like to be a teenager: it sucked ass.  I hope I remember that.

Hope you liked this part of the series!  More to come in a few weeks I'm sure...we still have quite a few more written down!

How to be a Parent Part I

When we went home for Evan's birthday, Evan decided it was time to start writing down our parenting rules . 

We didn't have any paper around within reach while driving between San Angelo and San Antonio, so Evan pulled out my planner and started writing down rules in the back of my planner.  It's titled "How to be a Parent."

Today I was flipping through the pages in class and laughed out loud.  Evan had written his top two rules as "sex" and "lots of sex." Oh, he can dream can't he?  Somehow, I think he skipped over all the parenting chapters that talk about how your sex life decreases in frequency after children come along.  I think he's just convinced that if he writes it down, then "sex" and "lots of sex" will continue to be as amazing as it has been...I hope he's right! : )

Ok, now to being serious.  Hopefully, Evan and I can follow through on all of these rules.

No TV in Bedroom
This rule is Evan's.  Evan and I are allowed to have a TV in our bedroom if we choose of course, but the children are not.  Growing up, I was not allowed a TV in the bedroom and was always really jealous of my friends who had one in their rooms. 

We want the family to be together as much as possible.  That's the best way to really know what's going on with your children.  Things about their day are bound to come out when they're with you for a few hours every night.

No Significant Others in Bedroom.
This was my parent's rule.  We hated the rule.  We're following this rule more strictly than any other. : )

C'mon, you can't expect 17 year olds to not have hormones.  That being said, I should note, I was always a good girl in Evan's house even when we were allowed in the bedrooms.  My Mama raised me right!  However, we don't know if our son's girlfriend's parents raised them right, so we're making sure we don't give them an opportunity to get into trouble.  I don't want my son or daughter on "16 and pregnant" ok?

1 sport, 1 musical activity.  Maximum of 2 activities.
This was also my parent's rule.  I really want to be a working mother.  Fortunately, my husband wants the same thing for me as well (that's another blog post for another day).  Because of this, there is just no way that we can be driving the kids around all the time and still manage having two full time working parents.  Evan nor I will have regular 8 - 5 jobs.  Because of this, having the children in 40 activities is impossible.

Therefore, each child is allowed one sport and one musical activity (preferably piano!! hee hee...that's not a rule, but it's a preference!).

I don't think this rule makes us bad parents.  If anything, I think it shows children that the world doesn't revolve around them and that parents have things to do as well. That's humbling and a great lesson.

Well, there are three rules!  Hopefully our rules sound reasonable to others and hopefully people will tell us some great rules of their own throughout the years...as I said, we want to be excellent parents.  We really really do.  We're lucky because both of our parents were great.  They were supportive and each had pretty different parenting styles so we've taken things we liked from both sets and put them together to find our own little parenting recipe.  I'm sure we'll change our rules and deviate from them all the time.  But I think it's a good sign that we're already thinking about it.  It shows we care and love our children.  Not all kids are that lucky.

I want my Liliana darling to know that we won't always be perfect as parents, but that we're always trying our best.  I love her so much already...I just hope I can be the Mother she deserves.