Thursday, September 12, 2013

It'sa Herea!

I just had a makeover (desparately needed) on the Lacey Fields blog!  Take a looksie:

I got it done from Brea over at and she's just awesome.  She designed THIS blog too! :)

That being said ... since this new blog is up and about, I probably won't be updating this blog nearly as much.  I'll be putting most things (and posting MUCH more often!) over at Lacey Fields blog.

I'll share promotions and sales, TONS of DIY projects and photos, and TONS of baking recipes!  Go over there and follow along!  I PROMISE it'll be a good idea. :)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Office Reveal!

Slowly but surely, this house is coming together.  This house is our true labor of love ... we work on it all the time to make it what we want.  And one thing we've learned through DIYing and decorating over the last 2 years is this ... TAKE.YOUR.TIME.  Have a vision.  It took about a year to get this office where I wanted.  I didn't know what to do on the one big wall, so I gave it time.  I didn't know what to do around my window b/c I loved my tree view, so I took my time.

And now, the room that I spend HOURS upon HOURS in is ... WONDERFUL!

Let's take a trip down memory lane's the before:

The previous owners had it painted a very dark red and had it functioning as a ... honestly, I don't know!  Dining room / office / library?  We have a 6 person dining room table in the eat in area so for us, since I work from home, we knew an office was what we had to do!  SO ... off we went.  The main thing I needed was LOTS of work space.  I use my computer, I have a professional grade printer, I cut, I have tons of inventory (envelopes, paper, flat mailers, ink, etc) ...

and here we are TODAY! :)

This is my packaging area! : )  Here I cut all invitations, prints when necessary.  This big wall was a challenge to decorate! I didn't want a huge gallery wall b/c I wanted some variation and some storage too.  SO I decided on these three shelves (from Walmart) and the rest just started geling together.

* canvas: from Hobby Lobby
* shelves and office chairs: Walmart
* bunting: I designed myself and have been considering adding them to the shop!  They're SO fun! : )
* candle, accessories: TJMaxx and Target
*set of three office tables: Target

Here's my main desk area.  I love that I have a view of the trees when I work.  But I knew I needed something to the side of the desk Evan built me (to the side of this picture is a TON of storage ... all my envelopes, paper, etc in two huge storage built ins).  SO I decided I would make curtains.  I went and bought fabric from Hancock fabrics at first but it was SO expensive ($90!!!!).  I then thought "why not just cut a curtain from Target?  Then my brilliant husband said, I bet you could do it with one panel!  And BAM he was right!  $20 later, I had these pretty curtains to the side of the window.  I just cut the panel to size and used sewing adhesive.  Iron the sides and about 30 minutes later they were ready to be hung! :)

*curtain and rod: Target (I love Target .... a lot)

*trash bins: TJMaxx

*on the other side of the storage, I have my "packaged area" --- all those packages on the right are ready to be mailed out this afternoon and there's my little handy scale on the left.  All I did to decorate here is buy clip boards from Walmart and then I printed some of my prints (three of these aren't in the shop yet ... this is an area where I collect ones I want to list and then I can photograph a few at the same time and list them all).  It's a little area to highlight Lacey Fields prints and adds so much color!

And there you have it! : )  LOVING my new office!

Monday, August 26, 2013


Believe it or not, I have about 50 posts I've wanted to write.  About life, about residency, about having 2 children and the awesomeness (and sometimes exhaustion) that results, about family issues (lack of communication from people not understanding Evan's job mainly), about the house and how much work we've done to it (don't look at my stairway right now ... it has carpet on half of it and wood with a million hours of sanding to proceed), but today I have to write about something else.

For the last 6 months I've been working on a website.  This website has TRULY been a collaborative effort and for the last month, Evan and I sat down, each with a laptop and worked most evenings for HOURS to get it done.  Neither one of us know how to code, but we've learned as much as possbile ... and I can PROUDLY announce:!

Guys it's gorgeous!  It's so flowery and has queen anne's lace all over and the mason jars.  Have I mentioned my love for mason jars? We have a relationship, me and mason jars.  It borders on obsessive. 

For the next 2 weeks, I'm offering 25% off ANY purchase on the website.  That's the biggest sale I've ever done and probably ever will do.  I'm just that psyched!  Go to some early Christmas shopping, get invitations done, etc.  Put in coupon code LAUNCH25.

Hope you like!  EEEK .. I think I'm going to go look at it again.  It's beautiful!

PS I hope to be back soon with home updates.  The house is looking so wonderful.  Evan & I have become quite the DIY nerds. It's our new hobby together and it's a blast.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Your Last Monthly Letter

My dearest Gloria,

It's nearly 2 weeks late, but you are officially a year old.  WOW.  How did that happen?  In some ways, I feel you were just born yesterday.  But admittedly, in some ways I feel like it was ages ago.


I'm not going to lie, your first year wasn't the easiest ... most babies maybe get a cold or so.  You, you poor thing, were hospitalized for an entire week.  And it wasn't an easy hospital stay (are any?).  You were on an intensive care floor, you had a feeding tube, you had a VERY worried Mommy & Daddy.  Then after you got home, our power went out in one of the worst storms in Little Rock history.  This terrified us because you were already quite weak.  But ... through it ALL ... you have prevailed.  You are just the KINDEST little girl I could ever imagine.  You never cried in the hospital.  NEVER.  It was incredible!  And then while we were freezing and miserable at home, you still managed to have a sweet smile on your face.  I can't get over it.

Your personality is really starting to become apparent to us.  You are a quiet stinker.  I think that's just the best way to say it! :)  You love nothing more than to crawl in a room where you'll be by yourself and then proceed to get in to everything you shouldn't be in.  You know the word no and I must say do well with it!  You sometimes try crying about it but are easily side-tracked.  The good thing is  I can say "Gloria, no don't touch that" from across a room and you'll maybe try one other time, but then proceed to stop! 

You are OFF THE PACIFIER!  WOO HOO!  We took it away during the day around 10 months and then right after we got back from Memphis (two days after your first birthday) we took it away at naps and night time.  You cried the first two nights.  The first night you cried it out for the first time in your life for 20 minutes.  But we knew it was for the best!  By the third evening, it was like you had never had a pacifier before.  Parent victory! :)

You aren't walking yet but do cruise and can transfer from one piece of furniture to another.  I have a feeling you'll be a very late walker.  You just aren't huge on it & don't have too much interest in it.  The doctor said as long as you pull up on things (and you do pull up on just about every piece of furniture in the house) and cruise, he's not worried, just to give you your time.  I'm ok with it.  I know things will get a little easier in some ways when you walk, but in some ways, it's tougher too. You do your thing girlie.  We'll be here with a video camera when you take the plunge. ;)

You're a talker and an understander.  Your sister, I felt, didn't quite get what we were saying many times.  It took her a while to know who we were, what was going on, etc.  You answer yes and no to pretty much any question we ask and know when to answer what!  It's pretty neat.  You also say quite a few words already: "Hi, hola, bye bye, hermana, Lana, Gloria, Mommy, Daddy, backpack, good morning (not joking! you say that!), shoe, yay, mas (more in Spanish), yes, no, uh oh" etc.  You're definitely quieter than your sister, but when she's not around you talk up a storm! 

You are definitely your Daddy's snuggle bug.  He holds you and you just melt.  He LOVES cuddling you.  It's interesting b/c you're not the kind of baby that NEEDS it (you're never upset) ... he just LOVES LOVES cuddling you.  You two are a special sight.

But it's nothing compared to you and your sister.  In the car, you constantly play games (usually, see who can shout louder, joy!), hold hands, and somehow have an understanding with each other.  Every month I think you two will start fighting and it's just the opposite ... you grow closer.  I told Liliana you two would share a room together eventually and now she asks if you're going to sleep in the same room on a daily basis. HA!  I'll give you a break for now, you like your peace and quiet.

You're in size 4 diapers and size 12-18 month clothing (or 18 month clothing).  Any 12 month stuff is just too small!  You were in the 85% for weight and 75% for height at your appointment.  BIG girl!  You would never know my girls were preemies!

I love you girlie.  SO much.  Your smile is so contagious.  You're our sunshine.


Monday, July 15, 2013

The Biggest Sale EVER

Busy Momma / wife / business owner here, so a short post.

But how can I not share the biggest sale I've ever had?

When I saw this morning that my shop reached 5,000 sales I knew I had to celebrate.  And what better way to celebrate than ..

25% off your entire purchase on any print or invitation?

decorating a nursery? going to a baby shower? just got married? want to put that last piece of something on a wall?  throwing a party?  I have it ALL people ... just go here.


put in coupon code 5000SALES and it will take that off for you!  The sale is good for the next 48 hours.

THANKS! :)  WOO HOO!  Kinda giddy with happiness over here.  But had better get to work!

Friday, July 5, 2013

The Cutest Cake Smash Ever

OK OK ... I know  I am really bias.  I know that.  But seriously, aren't these just the cutest cake smash pictures you have EVER seen?

Our little Gloria was born on July 4th, and honestly that's about the greatest birthday I can imagine.  I've had some people hint that it's sad she was born on that day b/c people won't be there to celebrate. WELL here's my philosohpy with parties: if you have a GREAT party, people come.  And my family, for as long as I can remember, has rocked the 4th of july parties.  Christmas used to be my favorite holiday.  Until yesterday.  We just had the GREATEST day with her!  She's so darn special and adorable!  And these cake smash pictures?  They were perfection.

I just printed and cut up some stars for the background and then found a free printable for the statute of liberty crown.  Then I put some blue frosting on her cake, and voila!  The birthday girl did the rest! :)

Yes we got pretty messy.  she went to TOWN people.  By the end, she was so messy we carried her up the stairs for a bath while frosting got all over the carpet.  Totally worth it.

We let sissy get in on the fun.  Liliana did it more gently.  Gloria didn't seem to pleased, but still continued eating! haha.

Then there is THE SHOT.  That one picture that when I start editing it my heart just flutters out of glee.  That one picture that I know will be in her wedding album. 

Happy birthday our sweet girl!  You are ONE and we are SO in love with you!!

Friday, June 14, 2013

Nearly a Year Old

My wonderful Gloria,

It's been nearly a year since you were born.  And I can't believe that.  You're my baby.  You're our baby!  Our tiny little girl that now ... isn't so tiny. ; ) 

I love seeing who you are.  I love seeing how much you're like your sister and how much you're not like your sister.  You guys are similar in the sense that you both are verbal little stinkers (at 11 months you're saying words that I just can't get over ... you can say your name, backpack, Good Morning (NOT JOKING ... you say good morning!), bye bye, hola, hi, hellow, hermana, sissy, Daddy, Mommy).  You're also incredibly sweet.  You and your sister have never had a disagreement of any sort.  You both adore each other. 

Now your differences -- you're quieter.  You love your independence. You're more content just being.  You don't "move" around all the time.  You love to just sit.  You can crawl or pull up on anything, but you're perfectly content just playing with a toy forever.  You eat EVERYTHING -- grass, rocks, leaves, lint ... you get it.  It's tough to keep track of you! 

You're in size 4 diapers already and still wearing your 12 month clothing.  No idea how much you weigh, but I know it's more than 22 pounds b/c that's what you weighed over a month ago, HA!

I know your birthday is soon.  I know you'll be turning one on July 4th.  What a special day for such a special girl.  We can't wait to watch you go to town with your cake.

Love you my sweet girl. 


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The Hot Tub

Something about using our hot tub in the backyard makes the husband and I have amazing conversations.  I think it's the fact that NOTHING else can distract you.  No phone.  No kids. No TV. Nothing.  Just us (and sometimes a glass of wine).  This weekend, we pretty much had an entire weekend of "hot tub" conversations.  No distractions.  Just us.

This last weekend, we had a treat.  Yes we often get to watch a movie or a basketball game after putting the girls to sleep, but this weekend was special b/c Gloria had her first sleep over (she rocked it by the way ... slept 13 hours for them, that's my gal!). 

We dropped off the kids at Evan's aunt around 2 o'clock on Saturday (our anniversary was on Sunday so we were celebrating a day early).  After dropping them off we ... wait for it ... went to a coffee shop! haha!  We wanted to do the things you CAN'T do with kids.  So we had our books, Evan got a coffee (I hate coffee b/c it tastes and smells disgusting) and read for an hour.  It was glorious.  No interruptions.  Just lots of holding hands, kissing, and reading.  After the coffee shop we went to a movie.  We tried to see Great Gatsby, but the theatre didn't have power so we drove to another one quickly and watched "Now you see me."

Dude ... SUPER entertaining movie!  If you walk in to it realizing "this is going to be a wee bit over the top" you'll really enjoy it.  Yes, the magic isn't possbile, but who cares!

After the movie we went to eat an italian dinner.  I bought a group on for a nice restaurant here and we both got drinks (mine was INCREDIBLY strong!  DELICIOUS! HA!), soups, meals and dessert and the ticket came out to $6.18!  THANK you groupon!

After dinner we came back home and it was pouring rain so we rented ANOTHER movie! haha.  This one was called Promise Land ... also very good.

All in all, it was an INCREDIBLE day together.  The theme of the entire weekend was just being together. LOVE.  Rejoicing in this incredible marriage.

On Sunday we made chocolate peanut butter waffles with the girls.  While they napped we worked (boo, I know) but then spent time together in the evening and sat in the hot tub for a good hour.  Just chatting.  Chatting about life.   Chatting about us.  About family. Kissing tons.  Sitting on his lap, feeling so blessed.

 And we both concluded, life is pretty damn great.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Livingroom (FINALLY!)

It's been a long journey redoing our livingroom. I mean, a really long journey.  We started with some pretty nasty sights ...

Notice the UGLY colored walls (we didn't do that! that was the mud color the previous owners used, yuck).  We were pretty clueless as to what to do.

SO ... we made a few changes:

And we really improved things on that first one.  We lightened the walls a lot, we put the curtains up, and brouhgt in a chair.  We liked the changes.  But we still knew we hadn't found the "it" factor.

So over the last few months we've made changes.  BIG changes.  And we are IN. LOVE.  I mean, I love our livingroom.  And while it's not TOTALLY done (when are rooms totally done?) we are 95% done.  For now, I am so happy with that.  It is by far my favorite room in the house.  BY FAR...


 See? Told you ... big changes!  We bought new chairs at Kirklands, the stool at Pier 1, the rug at TJMaxx, the cushions at TJMaxx, the lamps at Target, the tables (aside from the coffee table) at Target, the coffee table at Overstock, the throw & gray vases on the mantel at West Elm, the frames on the wall at Target and Michaels, the TV console we already had and just painted blue, the mirror from TJMaxx, and the chevron ottoman at Walmart (I know, who would have thought?)  As you can see, we went to a ton of places to find our new livingroom.  We did it with time, with coupons, and with a lot of smiles.  We REALLY enjoyed redoing it.  Our favorite thing, by far, is our new coffee table.  It's so comfy to put your legs up on it.  It's just a comfortable, modern, totally us room.

We debated whether to do a gallery wall or just 5 frames around the TV but finally decided on the gallery wall, and while it was probably pricier, I'm so glad we did it.  I designed some of the prints and then printed out great pictures of all of us for the rest.  Whenever we're watching TV, I look at the wall and just smile.

so what's left?  We want to lower the curtains and get some other ones, we want new decor for the ottoman and some baskets in the TV stand.  That. is. it!

YAY!!!  So what's next? Finishing our master bedroom.  But we'll have to wait until our budget allows for it and that's gonna be a while (damn you taxes).  In the mean time, I'll keep sitting in our livingroom grinning constantly.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Three Year Old Daughter

Liliana:  yesterday you turned three years old.  Three years old!  I simply can't believe it.  I can't believe the incredible girl you've become.  I always thought we'd have special, wonderful kids, but never could I have imagined how kind, amazing, brilliant, gorgeous, and inspiring you'd be. 

Your Dad and I have so much fun with you.  You crack us up on a daily basis, talk constantly, sing all the time, and still continue to love hugs and kisses.  I figured I would go in to more detail for all those above:

(1) just last week you yelled to me from the bathroom: "Mommy come here hurry!  I did a tiny little poo poo and it looks like a dolphin!" Two days ago you were in a daze when I opened the car and I told you to get out.  A few seconds later you told me "I'm sorry Mommy, I don't know what I was thinking!  Where does my brain go sometimes?  I'm acting like a grown up already!"  A couple weeks ago we were leaving Target and a guy on a motocycle drove by.  You got scared and told me "Mommy those are dangerous!  Hey Mommy, I've been thinking ... I should drive home!"

(2) look above.  You talk ALL.THE.TIME.  Mommy and Daddy have had to start telling you that we need seconds of silence.  We don't even venture for minutes.  Just seconds. HA!  A typical conversation with you "hey Mommy ... hey Mommy ... hey Mommy" " YES LILIANA?  WHAT LOVE?" "what's he doing? that boy over there?  what's he doing?" "THE BOY ON THE BILLBOARD? HE'S SMILING" "Porque Mommy? (why in Spanish) He's so super silly.  You know what else is super silly? ... "  ... and you see how that goes.

(3) you've been in to not only singing every song on the planet, but you make songs up about everything.  On Mother's Day you told me you made me a Mother's Day song and it went something like this "need to go to the store to buy strawberries.  Mommy needs to go buy Liliana applce juice.  Liliana needs to go buy Gloria diapers!" It's a billboard hit already.

(4) while you talk and are active all the time, you still love love love to be loved on.  You adore being in people's laps, you give a million kisses to anyone that looks at you, and give the best bear hugs in the world.

I typically don't get sad when my girls get older b/c I love seeing who you're becoming.  But this birthday was particularly tough b/c I realized we went through the "terrible twos" without one tantrum on your part.  NOT. ONE.  You've gotten time out, sure.  But never a tantrum.  Never a melt down.  You are so easy, I can't believe it.  Your Daddy thinks it's because we were strict when we needed to be.  He says putting in the hard work early on is what did the trick.  I think it's just your sweet soul.  Because you are my sweet soul.  You are the kindest thing I have ever seen --- never mean to your sister, always wanting to share with everyone, and always excited to spend time with your Mommy and Daddy. 

I am so proud to be your Mother.  You inspire me to smile every day.  Love you always.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

A Fiesta Birthday Party

This Saturday we threw Liliana her third birthday party.  It was by far my favorite party yet. Last year we did a Dora and Elmo themed birthday party.  For her first birthday we did a cupcake themed party.

This year?

It started out with cute invites that I designed telling people that the kiddos were gonna get dirty! :)  I even printed on the envelopes and got tons of compliments from Mommy's out there.

(invite can be found here for any other fiesta parties out there!  I've sold this ranging from 1-70 years of age for the party!  I've done surprise parties and even a rehearsal dinner layout change and they all came out awesome!)

The day before the party, I started decorating.  I bought most of my supplies on May 8th when I knew the party city cinco de mayo stuff would be 50% off.  Then I got a 20% off coupon, so needless to say, that all helped a ton! (that saved probably a good $70!).

The birthday girl and Gloria had to look the part! :)  My Mom bought the girls attire in San Antonio at El Mercado and I just loved it!!!  I thought they looked adorable.

After attire, the thought is " what to do at a fiesta party?"

A sand and water table with buckets and toys was JUST the trick!  It was MESSY.  VERY messy, so just warn parents.  But the parents were SO happy that their kids were entertained for over 2 hours without any issues!  That's a miracle!

Then I set up an art table that said "use the tape or maybe not, just give it all you've got!  Take this home for all to see what you painted when Liliana turned three!"  The kids had a blast with it and I bought most of the materials at Michael's (think 40% off coupons when they come in the mail and just get a set of 10 canvases (or more depending on how many kids are coming)).  I bought washable paint so that before we ate we all did a bathroom run and it was good as new!

The pinata was a big hit!  All the kids took their turn at it. Liliana, as you can see, had fun.  I probably should have bought a pinata with a pull string for this age b/c it was TOUGH to demolish.  But they still had a blast and then I just hit it once and all the candy fell out.

Now the fun part ... DECOR and FOOD!!!

The set up table.

Agua fresca and three year old mojito!  (these are just the crystal light packets and I bought the pitchers in the dollar aisle at Target!)

The streamers in the back are from party city (that was $2 total) and the circular paper things (don't remember what they're called!) are from Target!  The birthday sign in the background is in my etsy shop!  This was SUCH a fun touch b/c Evan and I wrote our favorite things about Liliana.  All the parents were reading it.  I think I'll do one for each party until they get embarrassed.

I did bean and cheese tacos with queso and chips!  I LOVED the idea of putting the chips around the sombrero! :) haha.

All the kiddos gathered around the table (all 10 of them!) and chowed down!  They were stuffed!

For dessert I had fruit skewers, dulce de leche cupcakes, and a sopapilla bar was her cake!  I put out strawberries, bananas, honey, and chocolate to drizzle on them.  YUMMMY!

Liliana was in love with her party and wanted everyone to have a sweet favor as they left:

I bought favor boxes and put bubble supplies in the middle.  Then I made a personalized sign for each kiddo.  Yes, I went a little crazy (not like some, but still time consuming).  However, it was BY FAR my favorite party to date.  Some kids stayed for 3 hours!  When you're having fun, no reason to leave early!  And you know what?  I'll keep throwing these parties b/c I love it, Evan loves doing it with me, and ... this girl ...

is so. absolutely. wonderful.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

She's 10 Months Old ...


My darling.  My sweet sweet darling.  You're 10 months old already.  And I just can't believe it.

This month we took you on our Texas rodeo road trip -- we flew in to Lubbock, Texas (you ROCKED on the flights and people told us later that they had no idea two babies were on the planes), drove to Garden City that night (where you slept in the same room as Mommy, Daddy, & Liliana like a pro), and then drove to San Antonio the next day.  Like I said, a rodeo roadtrip.  And you were a ... HIT!

People continue to tell us the same thing that we knew all along, how EASY going you are!  You're still sleeping like a total champ, except this month we decided to stop having you nap like your sister.  We were having issues with you getting fussy around 6:30 pm and realized it was ridiculous of us to ask you to be on the same sleep schedule as your nearly 3 year old sister!  Since then we've been putting you down to sleep around 7:15 and then I wake you up around 7:45 the next morning!  You poor thing, you just needed that rest.

You're moving ALL OVER THE PLACE but now pulling up yet!  Your sister was a big time cruiser by now so you're a bit slower in this department.  However, you're speaking up a storm!  You've said SO many words already it's tough to even keep count.  For the most part, if I tell you to say a word, you'll say it.  My favorite thing you do is say "HI Mana! (hermana)" when Liliana comes in a room.  SO cute.

Your giggle is probably your biggest feature that people comment on.  If people even LOOK at you, you immediately start giggling.  You're our giggle machine.

Speaking of machine, you're also our sippy cup machine.  This month you made the full-time transition thanks to Daddy.  Daddy (I guess it's the Doctor in him!) is big on babies not being on bottles at all by their first birthdays (Abu was telling me that back in his day they said to be off it by age 3!  MY how times have changed!).  You, similarly to your sister, transitioned no problem.  You do like that bottle, but more than anything you LOVE food.  It's the only time you whine, while we're feeding you.  We can't get it fast enough to you!  You like EVERY THING we've given you.  I wouldn't even say you have a favorite and least.  If it's food, you want it! :)

You only have two teeth still and I don't feel any others, but we'll see how that goes.  You're still a BIG gal.  You're already in 12 month clothing and couldn't squeeze in to 9-12 month stuff anymore either.  Daddy weighed you last week and you were about 21.5 pounds!  BIG gal!

While this age is such a blast, I'm starting to get READY READY to know who you are as a person!  If I had to guess I'd say you're going to be our dare devil.  You love going down slides, you love swimming and being dunked in a pool, and though you're our quiet sweet girl, I have a feeling you're going to be a little more of a wild child in that sense.  But only time will tell, and I can't wait to continue this journey with you!



Friday, April 12, 2013

The Day

April 12th is, quite honestly, a day I dread every single year.  It symbolizes the worst day in my life.  In my amazing Mother's life.  In my brilliant Father's life.  And in my always there for me Brother's life.

Today it's been over 20 years ... over 20 years since Carlos passed away.  Carlos.  My brother.  My brother, who was 13 and died in a car accident.

And you would think every year it would get better.  You would think that since I was 7 I wouldn't remember.  But I do.  We don't give children enough credit for what they remember.  Because I remember.  So vividly, so many things.

And I've typed a ton of them before on this blog.  I believe I've blogged on April 12th for the last three years.  I never miss blogging on this day because interestingly enough, I feel COMPELLED to write.  I'm not nearly as productive in work, I just sit and look outside a window trying to keep tears from flowing even harder (they're pretty constant on this day).

But today I just don't think I can type them. They'd be too raw.  Too painful.  I don't think people understand these kinds of loss in a family until they've experienced them.  I'm not trying to say that others don't know what pain is.  But when I have people repeat OVER and OVER that "losing my Grandpa was so hard, I get it" or "I lost my Dad so I know" it does upset me.

You see, your Grandpa isn't your brother.  Trust me, I was SO close to my grandparents ... I mean, I named my daughter after my Grandmother who lived with us for years.  But my Grandma was 82 when she passed.  Carlos was 13.  Carlos had SO much life yet to live.  I know we shouldn't compare grief, but that's just raw honesty ...

And it's more than that. My Mom was the one driving the car and I know ... I know she has so much guilt that she walks with everyday.  She often cries and tells me she feels we blame her.  I can never tell her enough times I would NEVER blame her.  The phrase, THINGS HAPPEN holds so true here.  Car accidents happen.  ALL.THE.TIME. 

But her pain, it kills me.  It really does.  My Dad's pain.  My brother's pain.  Mine is so insignificant.  Who cares about me?  It's them.  I just want to hug them all.  Hug them so tight and be so thankful they're in my life.

Then there's my little family here.  Today Liliana and Gloria are going to Meme's house while Evan and I can have a date.  I contemplated this decision many times.  On the one hand I wanted to squeeze my two girls and never let them go today more than ever.  On the other hand, when I did squeeze them this morning I immediately started crying.  I don't want my girls seeing me like that.

Don't get me wrong. These girls will know the truth.  They will know why I'm so strict about seat belts.  They will know Carlos was amazing.  They will know their Tata (my Mom) is the strongest person on this planet. But they're too young to even BEGIN to comprehend it. 

So instead of going out, I asked Evan if we could just come back home and cook dinner together.  He's on call (surprise! haha, yeah right) for another 84 hours straight, but hopefully he won't have to go just for a few hours.  I need his arms. I need his shoulder. 

We plan on watching some HGTV (a guilty pleasure of ours as we look around our house and see things we can't afford to redo), cooking together, and just some crying and grieving, and remembering.

I think that's all ok.  I don't know how to handle this day. 

But that's how I'll handle it and this is how I'll tackle it this year. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

3/4 to a year


You're 3/4 to a year already.  That's insane.  Seriously, it feels like just yesterday you were born and now you're crawling around a room in two seconds making sure to pull on every cord in your path.

This month was a funny one b/c you started getting stubborn.  You are NOT happy when we take your bottle or a toy away.  We've definitely had to start directing your attention elsewhere, but once we do, you're easy to manage.  You are still the best sleeper on the planet, never having "cried it out" for more than 30 seconds.  No exaggeration.  You love waving hi and bye to everyone.  You know I'm Mama and who's Dada.  This one has really impressed me b/c this concept took much longer for your sister to get. 

You're a BIG girl, already in 12 month clothing.  You're pretty chubby, but not as chubby as your sister was (though that isn't saying much, ha!).  This month you continue to use a few words regularly which astounds us.  You're also graduated to regular foods (such as the little lasagna meals etc) and have greatly preferred that to even your bottle. 

We've noticed you're much less reliant on attention than your sister was.  Sometimes you do best when we just let you roam around versus trying to garner your attention.  However, this isn't to say that your favorite place still isn't in someone's arms.  You just love being held and loved on, but definitely don't require it. 

Your crawling is a funny sight.  You're an army crawler and I think that's just what you'll do.  You're already showing interest in pulling up on furniture and zip around a room in no time at all.  I reckon it's time to get the gates up soon!  EEK!

You're so easy going at restaurants, stores, etc.  We'll go on 3-4 hour errand runs and realize you just observed, waved at people and said hello, goodbye, hola, hi, or bye (you like lots of options!) ... no other kind of fuss.

You're still only at two teeth, but I'm thinking we'll have 2 more by next month b/c they say you've really been gnwaing on things at school.  Your Dad says you like to bang objects on another ... it's true.  We give you two things and you're just happy as can be hitting them together.  Heck, you even love clapping since it makes noise!  You'll clap to just about anything.

You're SUPER ticklish.  I mean, you'll crawl over to me just to put your feet in my face so I'll tickle 'em for you.  I obviously oblige.

I can't wait to see you grow more and more and develop that personality.  We're so in love with you sweet thing.