Thursday, November 4, 2010

3 VERY Useful Parenting Tips...

Although I've only been a parent for 5 months, I can say I've learned a few things.  None of them are very insightful.  I can't tell you how to raise good caring children, because clearly, my daughter is the best baby ever, so you guys don't come close to having a baby nearly as awesome as mine.  Wowza, this Mommy is a LITTLE biased huh?

In all seriousness though, I have learned quite a few VERY useful things.  Unfortunately for me, I've learned these things because I've had to learn the hard way to get them right.  Lucky for my readers though, you can read these and never make the mistakes I've made ...

So after being a Mommy for 5 months, here are the three most important tid bits of advice and lessons I can pass along:

(1) Borrow the hospital's nasal aspirators forever.
As I wrote about in my last blog post, Liliana got pretty darn sick last week.  She had a fever, a NASTY cough, and a crap ton of boogies.  A crap ton of boogies made us actually USE the nasal aspirator that you always see parents using.  They sell these in first aid kids.  Those suck.  They even sell similar, knock off ones at Target for 3 bucks a piece.  Those suck too.  The ONLY useful ones are the ones from the hospital.  So when you're leaving the hospital, make sure a family member distracts the nurse and you can just throw that thing in your diaper bag.  I can't tell you how much better this one is.  The ones in the first aid kit come apart.  Why you would make a two piece nasal aspirator is beyond my level of comprehension I suppose, because the thing just falls apart.  As for the Target ones ... it would work, if the thing actually sucked the boogers out. Really, they stink.  So, borrow one...forever.  I'll actually be asking Evan to "borrow" another one now that I know how much I love them.  I would die if we lost ours.

(2) Stretch your butt.
Let me explain because this sounds awfully naughty.  When I was pregnant, I thought my back hurt.  Oh I moaned and got massages from Evan on a daily basis (seriously, he's the  best husband ever...he OFFERS every time.  I NEVER nice).  Anyway, fast forward to being a Mother and holding your 16 pound baby for a few hours.  Now THAT my friends, leads to a SOOOOORE back.  And the worst part about it is that you can't just lie on the couch like when you were pregnant.  When the baby wants you to hold her, you have to actually get up and hold her.  No breaks, sorry buddy.  Now when I was pregnant, I figured out (with the educational medical help of my husband) that ALL those back muscles are attached to your glutes.  So, every evening before bed, I stretched my gluts and when I woke up in the morning, I did the same thing.  Within a week, my pregnancy back pain went from an 8.5 to a 3.5.  Now I'm doing my stretches again and that's helping because let me tell you...WOWZA it gets SORE.  On the plus side, thanks to Liliana, I now have the most toned delts you've ever seen.

You probably STILL have no clue what I'm talking about.  Here...I took this off of Google.  This is what I mean by 'stretch your butt.'
 p.s. DO NOT Google "butt stretches."  
It will scar you for life. 

(3) Pack a shirt in your diaper bag.
Remember how I wrote this post about what to pack in your diaper bag?  Well, recently I learned that I forgot a pretty essential item.  We were at Target and had to go in really quickly to buy two items.  I had  Liliana in my hands and Evan had a little basket.  Before I knew it, I felt a bunch of liquid on my shirt and heard it hit the floor.  Oh no, she had spit up.

Well...does THIS look like spit up?

That's right guys, your kids can pee ALL OVER your shirt in Target, even if their diaper had been changed less than an hour ago.  And when you realize your daughter just peed all over you and the floor, the only thing that comes out of your mouth is...

"Shit Evan.  Go buy me a shirt."

And I walked ran out of the store.  See that little shirt in my left hand?  That was my new shirt.  The shirt that I SHOULD HAVE packed in my diaper bag.  So remember, both the kids AND YOU need an extra shirt.

Have a GREAT weekend!  I hope nobody goes pee pee on your shirt!


  1. Your last point reminded me of when I was pregnant with Alivia and we went to Target to register for gifts. I got laughing so hard about something that I peed my pants in the store...luckily it looked like my water broke, so I just made a bee-line for the door! However, my husband had just got a new car, so he made me ride the whole way home holding my butt off the seat:(

  2. I almost shit when you added the "ps - do NOT google butt stretches."

    OMG. I got myself in trouble googling something in class last week for my blog. Pretty sure everyone who sits behind me things I'm a freak.

  3. I totally agree with number 3! That happens to me all the time, but with spit up. I've not been peed on since we started cloth diapers.

  4. Noted!I'll save these for mommyhood someday :-)

  5. I will remember all these when I have a baby. It seems like it should be obvious, but I never thought about packing a shirt.

  6. So funny, but so true. The butt stretch is great. I do that one all the time...I may google it just for fun too :)

  7. that's so funny! I have to say that I haven't gotten pee'd on in public yet (knock on wood) but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened one day. :)

  8. ((((LOL)))). Very funny. As a Mommy to 8 I am never prepared enough.

  9. DO NOT Google "butt stretches."
    It will scar you for life.

    This cracked me up.

    Here is some advice to you - which I learned when I googled images of "women" for a blog post. UGH.

    You can go in your google settings at 'SafeSearch filtering' and make it rated G. It will keep your eyes from being scarred again!!

  10. Seriously awesome advice! Especially the nasal aspirator! My gosh, the hospital ones are the only ones that work!