In all seriousness though, I have learned quite a few VERY useful things. Unfortunately for me, I've learned these things because I've had to learn the hard way to get them right. Lucky for my readers though, you can read these and never make the mistakes I've made ...
So after being a Mommy for 5 months, here are the three most important tid bits of advice and lessons I can pass along:
(1) Borrow the hospital's nasal aspirators forever.
As I wrote about in my last blog post, Liliana got pretty darn sick last week. She had a fever, a NASTY cough, and a crap ton of boogies. A crap ton of boogies made us actually USE the nasal aspirator that you always see parents using. They sell these in first aid kids. Those suck. They even sell similar, knock off ones at Target for 3 bucks a piece. Those suck too. The ONLY useful ones are the ones from the hospital. So when you're leaving the hospital, make sure a family member distracts the nurse and you can just throw that thing in your diaper bag. I can't tell you how much better this one is. The ones in the first aid kit come apart. Why you would make a two piece nasal aspirator is beyond my level of comprehension I suppose, because the thing just falls apart. As for the Target ones ... it would work, if the thing actually sucked the boogers out. Really, they stink. So, borrow one...forever. I'll actually be asking Evan to "borrow" another one now that I know how much I love them. I would die if we lost ours.
(2) Stretch your butt.Let me explain because this sounds awfully naughty. When I was pregnant, I thought my back hurt. Oh I moaned and got massages from Evan on a daily basis (seriously, he's the best husband ever...he OFFERS every time. I NEVER ask...so nice). Anyway, fast forward to being a Mother and holding your 16 pound baby for a few hours. Now THAT my friends, leads to a SOOOOORE back. And the worst part about it is that you can't just lie on the couch like when you were pregnant. When the baby wants you to hold her, you have to actually get up and hold her. No breaks, sorry buddy. Now when I was pregnant, I figured out (with the educational medical help of my husband) that ALL those back muscles are attached to your glutes. So, every evening before bed, I stretched my gluts and when I woke up in the morning, I did the same thing. Within a week, my pregnancy back pain went from an 8.5 to a 3.5. Now I'm doing my stretches again and that's helping because let me tell you...WOWZA it gets SORE. On the plus side, thanks to Liliana, I now have the most toned delts you've ever seen.
You probably STILL have no clue what I'm talking about. Here...I took this off of Google. This is what I mean by 'stretch your butt.'
p.s. DO NOT Google "butt stretches."
It will scar you for life.
(3) Pack a shirt in your diaper bag.Remember how I wrote this post about what to pack in your diaper bag? Well, recently I learned that I forgot a pretty essential item. We were at Target and had to go in really quickly to buy two items. I had Liliana in my hands and Evan had a little basket. Before I knew it, I felt a bunch of liquid on my shirt and heard it hit the floor. Oh no, she had spit up.
Well...does THIS look like spit up?
"Shit Evan. Go buy me a shirt."
Have a GREAT weekend! I hope nobody goes pee pee on your shirt!