Friday, December 16, 2011

Making it SUNNY for him

Since we've moved to Little Rock, we've been in love with just about every single thing.  It turns out we had to find ONE thing we weren't crazy about right?

I mean, the trees are stunning, there is SO much more to do as a family and as a couple, the restaurants are nice, the daycare is stupendous, the housing market is totally affordable but fun, etc. etc. 

Well turns out, in order to have those gorgeous trees you need rain.  And it also turns out that rain, at this time of year, comes at a drizzly pace a few days every single week. 

Evan's hours are pretty miserable as it is, but when you leave the house at 4:30 am (pitch dark) and leave the hospital around 6:30 - 7:00 pm (pitch dark) you never see the sun.  And quite a few times, all he sees is rain and black. 

Over the last few days, I've noticed this has truly brought his spirits down.  I know he's sick of being in that hospital, and I know he's sick of not seeing daylight.  He's sick of just cold and dreary.  And the fact of the matter is that even during the day, it has been quite dreary.  But, at least in my huge massive office at work, I have these big windows where I SEE the dreariness.  Evan only sees the black sky. 

To make matters worse, since I have been feeling under the weather lately (turns out, I had pink eye and a cold! yuck!) he comes home to a wife that doesn't feel well and hasn't had much home-cooked food.  Usually, when he comes home I try to make the house as welcoming as possible. I usually have dinner either ready, or being made, I try to have all the  Christmas lights on, and sometimes I even have fun music playing in the background.  I want it to be his haven when he arrives.

But since last week opening my eyes was pretty painful, most of this didn't get done. Except the Christmas lights ... that I do the second I get home! ; )  Work has been really busy for me lately because we're smack in the middle of finals.  This means I had to write my final and grade my papers, but in addition, I had to organize how 30 students with accomodations were going to get their finals, their extended time, have people reading the tests or writing if needed, etc. 

Last night, as Evan flopped on the couch to start folding our Christmas letter, I could sense that he was really down in the dumps.  I brought it up and his words completely and utterly BROKE MY HEART:

"With me being gone so much, it just doesn't feel like Christmas."

To you, that probably isn't a big deal.  But in our house, this was like a woman saying "I don't care if I ever get another pair of shoes again!" 

Christmas is a big deal in the Lacefield home.  It is our favorite holiday as a family and we celebrate it and decorate with SO many smiles.  We are the opposite of bahumbug.  We send out Christmas cards every year, always have lights outside and inside, and decorate TOGETHER while drinking hot chocolate and watching Elf.  So the fact that it didn't feel like Christmas really showed me how truly down in the dumps he is!

I think he realized I was concerned because this morning, in his usual perfect husband ways, he sent me a text that said:

"Good morning!  I am going to try to be positive and happy.  I love you Cristina, YOU ARE my sunshine to make me happy."

And the sad thing about ALL of this, is that I don't have a way of fixing it!  It broke my heart when he said "you're my sunshine."  In other words, it doesn't matter if it's dreary outside, I have the sun in you.  But how do I make it sunny?

How do I make it feel like Christmas when he's working so much and seeing so many families in pain while at the hospital?

The good news is he works Saturday morning but is OFF Saturday night and Sunday all day.  Therefore, I have TWO days to show him Christmas.  Since I'm feeling much better lately, I will have more energy to convince him of this by:

(1) Singing Christmas songs
(2) Having Christmas songs on constantly
(3) Making my spice Christmas drink
(4) Make and decorate sugar cookies with Liliana
(5) Watching Love Actually
(5) Any other ideas that pop in to your head or mine?

I just can't have my wonderful husband feeling blue.  He is Liliana and I's rock!  I don't know how he does what he does ... working those hours, seeing so much pain and suffering during the day, and coming home and never complaining for a second of it.  We are so thankful for him and it is our turn to give in return!