Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Message to the Bad Parents of the World

I feel like lately my blogging has taken quite a back seat to life.  I apologize to anybody that does actually read my posts.  Saying I've been busy would be an understatement.  Two weekends ago, Evan and I went to Little Rock for a residency interview.  We had an amazing time there and spent a great weekend with so many of his family members.  When we got back, the week went from tiring to flat out bad.  Liliana started running a fever and I couldn't get it to go down for over 48 hours.  Evan took her to the doctor and she has an ear infection!  That week was obviously not restful, but there was no break in sight because right after going to the doctor, I drove home from work and we went straight to Oklahoma City for another interview.  Oklahoma City was a blast as well.  We are FINALLY back in Lubbock and here to stay this weekend, thank goodness.  Our house is a freaking pig sty.

Anyway, I've had a couple people e-mail me asking what I think about my job.  I love it.  I really and truly do, but I haven't written about it much because I didn't want to upset my readers.  And so, I didn't write my blog the way I WANTED to the last few weeks.  And today, I thought about it and realized, "wait a second...I started writing this blog for ME, not for others" (no offense guys).  So, I'm writing what's been on my mind.

If you are going to be a crappy parent, stop having sex.  Flat out simple.  I don't even want you to use protection or do it at the perfect time of the month so you're for sure safe.  I don't want you to take any chances.  Because if you are going to be a crappy parent and if you're not going to care about your kids lives, you shouldn't get the privilege to have sex without having to face the consequences.  Because if something goes wrong, you are going to start a cycle of problems.

The school I teach at is known for being the toughest school in the district.  This particular school has more fights than any other school.  My first day, I was simply observing classrooms and I immediately noticed there was gossip (surprise surprise) in first period.

When I was in eighth grade, our gossip was about how we had received our first kiss.  This gossip, however, was that a girl was pregnant.  And she was devastated not because she was pregnant, but because he had broken up with her the day before she found out.  Granted, I hate to tell her, but he probably wasn't the man of her dreams anyway...

After talking it over with teachers, I heard that this was the second eighth grade pregnancy for this family.  Apparently, the day that they found out the sex of the baby, this girls Mom bought everyone in the class little socks.  The Mom was THRILLED about this pregnancy.  See, this Mom shouldn't have had kids.  Under no circumstance should you be PROUD of your children for having kids when they're 13.

Last week, all children had to watch a video about how bad the behavior is and how they need to stop getting in fights.  After the video, the football coach came in to talk and he told me that a few weeks ago, he heard rumors about a fight that was going to occur on a field after school.  He went out there to try and stop it.  You would never BELIEVE what greeted him...10 cars with parents inside CHEERING the children on to beat the crap out of each other.  THESE parents shouldn't have been allowed to have kids either.

  During the day, whenever kids are defiant, of course I do lose my patience.  But at the end of the day, it's this never ending cycle.  Bad, young parents raising children when they're not ready...and the cycle repeats.  I suppose my heart should just break for everyone involved, like it did today when one of the biggest trouble makers confessed that she just heard her Mom was going to jail for 3 years for drug possession.

I don't know what we, as a society, should do to fix the problem.  It's not the kids fault, but how can I blame the parents when that's probably the same way they were raised as well?

It's my job, and I'm not entirely sure I'm being successful at all, to do my best to try and show them not only discipline, but positive reinforcement.  Whenever I tell them "see!  You ARE smart!  You got this,"  I get a better response than when I say "I'm writing you a pink slip."  I just hope I'm doing the right thing, and I hope I can help, even if a tiny bit.  By 8th grade though, I think we're too late.

Again, I'm sorry if I offend some of my readers.  This post is full of A LOT of emotion.  I do love my new job, but it elicits a lot of feeling.  I refuse to give up.

I realize I'm being fully one sided, and I suppose that's what happens when you're full of anger.  Thanks for letting me vent it out.


  1. I couldn't agree with you more. Young girls wear pregnancy like a right of passage or a badge of honor. I feel bad for the babies of these kids. Good post.

  2. Believe me. As someone who has worked with at-risk teenagers for 12 years, and currently works with teens who think that drinking hose water will cause a miscarriage, you are preaching to the choir.

  3. I so hear you. I mean, I don't have a job where I see the direct consequences and I don't have children, but my mother has worked in the Courthouse of our local county for several years and has come home with lots of stories - enough to make me sick. I obviously can't say where I live but this area has had some pretty high-profile cases, unfortunately.
    Anyway, I totally agree. I've been complaining about that show "Teen Mom" for awhile - it's being totally glorified and it's on the cover of every magazine lately. I'm tired of seeing parenthood reduced to "the cool new thing". It's nauseating. Not that I have any feasible solutions to suggest, but sigh.

  4. Yeah, I totally agree. 16 and Pregnant on MTV, broke my heart, because most of those poor kids didn't have a chance. Except for the one smart couple that gave their baby up for adoption. Children are a blank slant and these bad parents taint their innocence. When I was in college I worked with a girl that had her first baby when she was 15. She has now, 3 different Dads and these kids are a mess. And it's because, frankly, she's not a good mom. It annoys me too. I don't understand how people can not want their children to be good people and make this world better. Or have better lives than they did. I just don't get it. It's sad.

  5. Amen lady!! I am a FIRM believer that all the evil and badness in this world is the direct result of bad parenting. And I do totally believe it is a never ending cycle.

    And honestly, most days it makes me want to cry. Or punch someone.

  6. Working with kids is rough, especially in the type of school you are at. But those are the kids that need you the most!

  7. I understand completely. It's this never ending cycle and it breaks my heart. I work in a day care where I see young kids having kids and I wonder when it will all stop. Some of these young parents would rather send them to someone else versus spending time with their offspring.
    Thankfully there are young parents out there who it forced them to grow up, to take responsibility for their actions. I just wish it would happen more often.

  8. Thank you for all that you do. It may seem small now but you're going to make a huge difference in these kids lives, just for giving them a chance. Super proud to call you my friend! I'm sorry yall had a tough couple of weeks.... you're in our prayers! Love lots, K, D and Baby H

  9. My husband and my ex-fiance before him both were products of teen mothers and let me tell you, it messes a kid up. Kids shouldn't be having or raising kids, period. Thankfully, my husband went to live with his grandparents during his teenage years, but the years with his mother can't be erased and he still has issues because of it.

  10. I couldn't agree with you more. It's hard to make anything better when the home endorses poor behavior. Where do you lay blame in the cycle? I think at some point, though, even kids have to be responsible for their own actions. Parents can mess them up, but they still make an active CHOICE to behave in the manner they do.

  11. BRAVO!!!! Brilliant post! I couldn't agree with you more! There are SHITTY parents EVERYWHERE, and they're really ruining society.

    Anyone who is proud of their 8th grader's pregnancy deserves to be taken out back and shot and pissed on...and definitely not in that order!

  12. Just curious if you think the MTV shows Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant are good or bad. Until now I had thought it was potentially a good thing because it makes teenage motherhood look AWFUL (to the point where it makes my 29-year-old self doubt whether I want to do have children), but other commenters seem to have a different view. I think we all agree, though, that the young couple that chose to give up their baby for adoption are amazing and inspirational -- that child is going to have such a better life, and they know that, and they gave that to her.