Monday, April 1, 2013

Movin' and a Cryin'

No joke (no April fools).  Evan and I are exhausted.  He's, understandably, about 20,000 times more exhausted than I am.  But we're tired.

Every single time he's on call over a weekend we start the week off already praying for Friday.

Evan has this thing he does that drives me crazy (and not in a sexy crazy way ... in a "NOOOO don't say that!" way).  Every Friday morning before his 84 hour call starts (no I didn't type that incorrectly ... he's literally on call for 84 hours STRAIGHT) he says "I really don't think it should be a bad call this time." 

I literally smacked him upside the head this time.  I knew he had jinxed it!  And ... he did.

It's not that one call weekend is necessarily worse than the other.  We'd like to pretend they are, but when we look at it, they're all pretty damn awful.  He gets paged CONSTANTLY.  We've learned all pages get irritating, no matter what you make it sound like.  I have seriously wanted to take a hammer to it a few times in the middle of the night, I can only imagine how E feels!

This weekend, he did go one 2 hour stretch on Sunday (while we were with family eating for Easter, so that was nice) without a page.  But I would say average is a page about every 30 minutes.  This usually means either: (1) it's a patient calling to speak to the Doctor on call, (2) it's a nurse asking a question about a patient, or (3) the dreaded one: he has to go in to the hospital for something, and quickly.

We already know the #'s and when it's a page from the ER we fear that he'll have to go and either be in surgery for a long time, or at the very least be gone for a couple hours.  I know you're thinking "get over it" and you know what, you think I would!  You think I would be accustomed to this already!  We've been doing this here residency thing for nearly two years.

But I just can't get accustomed to it yet. And I'm not going to lie it brings me down thinking we've got THREE more to go.  I often joke with Evan now "you couldn't have done a 3 year residency could ya?  Had to be a butt and go for the five year!" (pediatric residency = 3 years, surgical sidencies = 5 years, OB/GYN = 4 years (tid bit of info ... did you know your OB that is doing SURGERY on you for a C-section for instance doesn't do a year of surgical training?  Kinda scary ain't it!)

ANYWAY, it's not so much the fact that he's gone.  Believe it or not, the girls and I have rather established a routine and Liliana (don't know whether this is good or bad) is really used to him having to leave or being on the phone.  Sure, she still tells him "don't go Daddy I'm going to miss you!" but she knows he'll be back and she understands (vast improvement from last year).

This weekend was particularly rough b/c Gloria started crawling while he was at the hospital all Saturday morning and most of the afternoon.  And the first movement she did I was so excited, yes, but a tear also rolled down my face.  I knew he had missed it.  And I know that's fine.  I know Gloria will never know the difference.  But my heart broke for Evan.  It broke for us not being able to jump up and down and kiss her together. When things like this happen I always debate whether to tell him or not.  I've done both..but this time, I told him when he got home.  I knew I wouldn't be able to fake the excitement, haha, and he understood.

So here we are on a Monday and I'm excited for a Friday.  Evan's off this weekend and we plan on going to the zoo with the girls and having a great time.  But first things first, I plan on us falling asleep EARLY tonight to catch up ... you wouldn't believe the crazy stuff that had him going to the hospital and checking x-rays on our laptop last night.  I'm not even surprised anymore...just like "holy cow, you'd better go now!"  During the day he does see some of the crazy stuff, but it's usually telling SO many people they have bladder cancer, prostate cancer, testicular cancer, etc.  I don't know how he does it. 

But like Liliana says "my Daddy is such a good doctor and he's helping his patients!  Mommy, I'm a pee pee doctor too!" :)

And I know this too shall pass ... in three years and two months. SIGH.



  1. Oh I am totally starting to understand what you mean. Lately DM's work and call is starting to make me feel like a single parent (even if he is already staff), and I hurt for him knowing he rather be at home with us (and especially seeing Zain.) He feels like he is missing out, and it is so hard. I have no answers for you since I have none for myself, but just know I am sending you a hug from one physician's wife to another.

  2. wow! it must be hard raising 2 little girls too. i was married to a railroader and "back then" they lived by the phone. he was the engineer so at least he got a 3 hour call. what really bugged me was they (engineers) had to be "rested" for at least 10 hours. of course THAT started as soon as they let management know the train was in the yard. didn't matter that it took 2-3 hours to "tie it up" (get ready for the next run); that he had an hour's drive home and that by the time he got home he was not only wound up, but hungry and wanted to see his family. he was lucky to get 3-4 hours sleep. i always said they should make that 10 hr rest start once he called when he got home. oh well, such is the life we lead. look on the bright side... you have many blessings. nice to meet you.

  3. Again your stength and courage never ceases to amaze me. You are such a blessed woman!

  4. Makes you wonder how all the military spouses do it- with kids and an absent military member, and gives one a whole new appreciation for their sacrifices for our country!