Friday, June 18, 2010

Done Complaining...

I am done complaining.  Ok, well maybe not completely done, but I am going to try my darndest to shut up and look at the positives in life.

For months, I have been reading this blog.  I found this blog and got hooked because this Mommy had the exact same due date as I did.  However, when the baby was around 22 weeks, they found that their baby (Cohen) had four heart defects.  The prognosis didn't look good, but the Mommy carried the baby to 39 weeks.  Throughout this time period though, they had to sell their home, move to Dallas where the healthcare would be the best, and move in to the Daddy's Grandmas home.

Cohen was born approximately one week ago by a planned C-section.  Over the last week since he was born, he has been in surgery after surgery at Parkland Hospital in Dallas.  The Mom tweets about the progress of their baby and I've been staying updated during my study breaks.

Just now, the Mommy's brother wrote the following message:

This is uncle Brian (Megan's brother). I'm sorry to be the one to inform everyone but Cohen is not going to make it... He has a tear in his trachea and there is nothing that they can do. Please just pray for peace upon our family and as soon as there is a better update we will get them out. GOD please lift this precious little boy into Your arms. Thank you for the chance to see and know this precious little man! We are giving him to you now Lord and ask for Your hands upon us all during this time of grief and sorrow. In Your name and honor, Amen! Thanks to everyone for the continued prayers and support!

 I know I don't know this family.  I've never met them and she has no earthly idea that I exist.  However, this affected me so much.  This made me realize, as selfish as it sounds, how fortunate I am.  I complain because I have a stupid exam to study for.  Do you know how much this Mom wishes that was her biggest complaint right now?   I am so lucky that Liliana was born healthy.  She is such a ray of sunshine, and my heart breaks for this Mom because her ray of sunshine will no longer be in her arms.  How difficult it must be for her to carry this baby for 9 months knowing that his passing was a great possibility.  His prognosis was horrible to begin with, but I'm sure that you can't mentally prepare yourself.

So I'm going to make a huge effort to stop thinking negatively.  I'm going to do my best and study for this test with any ounce of energy that I have, but if I don't get a job immediately, who cares?  If I don't pass the bar on the first try, who cares?  I have my Liliana and my Evan and that makes me so fortunate and so happy.  And I truly mean that.

Tonight, I'll look into Liliana and Evan's eyes and realize how blessed I am.  So so truly blessed.

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