Sunday, June 13, 2010

I Hate You Mr. Texas Bar Exam

Dear Mr. Texas Bar Exam:  

I want to write you a letter and express to you my hatred of your existence.

Unfortunately, my life as of late has been studying all your boring information.  I am ashamed to admit that I spend more time (actually, much much more time) looking at these books and getting 50% on all my quizzes than with my darling daughter or handsome husband.  Therefore, I figure it's only fair that I give this blog a post dedicated strictly to how much I despise you.  And let me tell you, I'm aware hate is a strong word.  In fact, my Mom always told me not to say I "hated" someone but instead "strongly disliked" them.  Well Mom, sorry, but I want to say, I HATE this exam.

Ironically enough, one of the most important events in my life (Liliana's birth) is supposed to coincide with my preparation for this exam.  Balancing those two has been much more difficult than I ever expected. I didn't foresee the guilt and emotions I would harbor while studying.  I know she'll never remember that I studied this much during her first two months of life.  I understand that.  But... I'll remember.  I feel like a horrible mother.  I really do.  Other Moms get maternity leave and they stay home watching their babies every single move.  I, on the other hand, missed the second time she rolled over.  Had Evan not videotaped it, I would have missed it.  And to make matters worse, I probably got 50% on that quiz that I was taking as she was making such a big step.

So, Mr. Texas Bar Exam...I hate you.  

Let me count the ways:

- I can't be with my daughter like I want to be. 
- You require a billion hours of studying every single day.  It's impossible. 
- You make me feel stupid.  I don't like it when people make me feel stupid.  I especially don't like it when the scores show me I am indeed stupid.
- I barely spend any time with my handsome hubby anymore.  That sucks.  Dates are a thing of the past.  I have a feeling we won't get a free moment sans bar on my mind until I see my name on the bar exam website as someone that passed.
- I hate that I never have a moment where I'm not thinking about all the studying I have to do.

Ugh, I can't even write on my blog.  This blog was supposed to be an outlet to free my mind, but thanks to you, I still can't do that without getting stressed.

So thank you for making these two months that were supposed to be so treasured a completely and utter horror.

I hate you and don't forget it,

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