The last few days have been really tough. I think I cried enough to fill a lake. You remember how I was going through a crisis last week? Well I finally decided I don't want to practice law. I want to use my degree for something non-traditional. And, I know exactly what I want to do. I'm terrified because I just flipped my world as I've known it upside down, but I ... in my heart, know it's what's best for me. I started thinking, "What am I doing? Do I want this? Do I want to work at a firm?"
Evan's going to start working 80 hours a week in residency. I was miserable imagining being essentially a single mother and coming home in a bad mood because I hated my job. I was reading over the Partnership outline in my bar studying last night, and each line that I read just made me cry harder and harder. I just couldn't do it anymore. I finished law school to make everyone else happy. I stopped caring about myself somewhere in the process. I think I honestly knew this wasn't right for me from the first semester of school. Nobody likes studying, I understand that. But at the same time, I don't think it was normal to HATE it, to hate the material, to hate the thought of being a lawyer. I see why people do like it. The material is so challenging and I loved that. But, it just isn't for me. Everyone is different right?
There was another couple that was a med/law couple our first year and she quit law school after the first year, and I remember feeling so jealous of her. I was so jealous that she was confident enough to say "I don't want this." That being said, I'm happy I graduated from law school. Nobody can ever take that degree away from me. I still worked really hard and I'll be able to use my degree for something. It just won't be practicing law and some how, as ironic as it sounds, that puts a smile on my face.
So here's what I want to do: I want to work towards being a principal of a school. Crazy huh? I am going to get my teaching certificate as quickly as possible and teach for a few years and then go back to get my masters. From everything I've read, my doctorate will only HELP in the job applications processes. This decision didn't come from out of nowhere. I taught (tutored a group of 60 students) for a year and a half while I was in college and it was by far the best job I've ever had. Plus, I think I was really good at it! I had three people email me and tell me they switched majors just because they enjoyed my tutoring sessions so much. It was so rewarding. I got paid for 12 hours a week but ALWAYS did more than that. I WANTED to do more than what was required because I enjoyed it. I even noticed that during law school and tutored for contracts as well. I think I've always known this was what was right for me...it just took too damn long to realize it.
I'm honestly really embarrassed about it all because I'm sure everyone in the world thinks I'm ridiculous and stupid for doing this. But if for some reason later in life I realize I made a mistake, I'll take the bar then. But I don't think that's going to happen. I think, I know, this is what I want for now. And I'm going to run with it, because at the end of the day what matters is that I'm happy, that Evan is happy with us, and that my Liliana is happy. And I'm doing my darndest to make sure that happens as soon as possible.
1 day ago