Thursday, April 7, 2011

Never Settled

I'm in this stage of my life where all I do is think about the future.  One of my New Years Resolutions was to "live for today" and I'm failing miserably.  All that I do is think "when is this going to happen? And when will this happen?  And what if this happens?"  Everything in my life ALWAYS feels like it's in limbo.  And quite frankly, I am so damn sick of it.

All last semester, I adjusted to my new career move and although I know I'm happier with the job, I must admit that it was a big blow to my ego as well.  I am not nearly as proud of myself to say 'I'm a teacher' as I was to say 'I'm a lawyer.'  Let's just say it doesn't elicit a very positive response when people found out I went to law school.

BUT now, with my new job (which by the way, I can officially announce is OFFICIAL because I signed my contract today) I'd be teaching economics and bethe Academic Support Coordinator (amongst MANY other things).  My degree will finally be used and I'm proud of this job.  I really truly am.  I got my dream job for this stage of my life.  And I think I'm pretty damn lucky.

I kept telling Evan that if I got that job, I'd feel content and settled.

BUT that's not the case.

Our house is still for sale.  We had SO much activity the first 3 weeks that we kept our heads held high. And now it's been over 3 weeks since we had a SHOWING!  No calls, no nada.  It's so depressing.  So even though we've both gained employment and even though I found Liliana a daycare that I'm content with in Little Rock, I just spend my time stressing while thinking about a double mortgage payment.

So now I keep saying "when the house sells, I'll feel settled."  But will I?  I'd love to say I would.  And I know for sure that the stress will go down greatly, but I'm sure I'll find a new thing.

I need to LEARN to live for today and rejoice for the good things!  I mean for petes sake, I got a freaking JOB!  In this economy, I got a job without struggle. I'm so fortunate.

So after the house sells ... yes ... that's my new goal.  I'll live for today once the stupid blasted thing sells.  In the mean time, we'll keep cleaning for HOURS every single weekend, staging the house every morning before we leave, and keeping everything in that "we don't live here" look. 


  1. Good luck finding your place where you feel content. It's not easy.

  2. Wow, I know this feeling. It's tough. I am predisposed to always look to the "next thing" since it always seems to be changing! Now that graduation is upon me, and I'm going to work at my current job after the Bar Exam...there's really no big change in the offing. My life and daily routine aren't much changing. I'm not quite sure what to do with that :)

  3. I know that feeling too. Our condo has been on the market for almost a year and we haven't had one showing. It's frustrating. I hope that your home sells soon.

  4. Good luck! It seems the older I get the more I realize there's always "something".

  5. Honey, you have a husband who loves you, the privilege to own a house, a beautiful baby who you conceived naturally and a job in education when thousands of teachers are being cut. God is good, accept it.

  6. I don't agree with the person above...just because our lives have wonderful elements doesn't mean that we can't allow ourselves to stress over the bad stuff. It's totally understandable that you're stressed about the house. I hope it sells soon!

  7. I know how you feel. Saying I'm a "nurse" is no fun when I was technically supposed to be famous yesterday. One day at a time. Congrats on the new job though!