Controversial Thoughts On Being a Working Mom

I had a planned post about being 16 weeks pregnant and about the fact that I'm already getting excited about decorating a nursery.  But then I saw that this week on Kelly's Korner is "Working Moms," and I just had to post.

This is something very near and dear to my heart. 

I am a full-time working Mom.  I have a 20 month old daughter, another daughter on the way, and a husband who is a surgery resident and works upwards of 80 hours a week.

It is tough at times.  It is trying.  But it is the way I WANT it to be.

I went to law school and after finishing decided to take my career path in a different direction.  I don't currently work at a law firm.  Instead, I am the Academic Director for the Middle School and Upper School of a very prestigious school.  My hours are manageable compared to my husbands and those of an attorney, but on average, I work about 45 hours a week.

People have often asked me things such as: "don't you want to see your children walk for the first time?" or "why do you work if your husband is a doctor?" (yes I've been asked both of these MULTIPLE times)

I used to get REALLY offended.  I think working Moms are usually lumped in to this category of "we only do this because we HAVE to."

Not the case for me.  I WANT to work.  Personally, I enjoy coming to work everyday, and to be COMPLETELY honest, I think I'm a better Mom and wife because I work.

No the balance isn't easy.  Having her in daycare and dealing with dropping off and picking up everyday can be tiring.  When the daycare is closed and I have work, we're always in a pickle.  If we pay for someone to babysit all day that could be very expensive, but then again, I get very little vacation throughout the year (we're talking 5 days total) so taking one day is a big sacrifice.  My husband surely can't cancel a ton of surgeries, so like I said those days are really rough.  When she's sick we have to manage and balance.  But we find a way.  Also, my daughter has the most amazing immune system know to man kind and hasn't had a sickness with a fever since she was about 4 months old.  She got Daddy's immune system.  I'm very thankful for that!

You just rearrange your schedule and have to live very organized.  I HAVE to go grocery shopping on the weekends because by the time I get home from work I wouldn't have time to go grocery shopping.  Yes this means we have quick and easy meals often, but it works for us.

The biggest advice I can give for it all:

(1) make sure your husband is supportive of your working or not working.  I HATE it when I hear husbands resent their wives working or not working.  Fortunately for me, Evan WANTS me to work.  He knows it makes me happy, he think it's what fits US as a family, and he realizes that we can balance it all and be happy.  I know of couples that the husband automatically thinks the wife will stay home and what if she doesn't want to?  I see these things as FAMILY decisions.  I don't see why the woman is always the one that has to stay home.  What if the husband wants to do it too?  I think it's a totally personal decision and I truly support EITHER way of living.  Just make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about it.

(2) make sure to still make time for yourself.  This is probably the hardest part of it all.  Since I do daycare drop off and pick up everyday, this takes another chunk out of my day.  And since I HAVE to be at work by 7:45, I don't get to stay up late. We pay $700 a month in daycare and when #2 comes along, that will double.  By the time you do the math, my paycheck really isn't helping much.  This is very difficult to come to terms with sometimes.  But since this is what I WANT to do and since I am still helping a good chunk financially, it works for us. If the baby has a rough night, I can't just come in later.  It's easy to feel drained in this regard.  BUT, I still make it a point to find me time.  Sure this means that the laundry often isn't done or that the kitchen isn't perfectly clean, but for me, my time to exercise is sacred.  I go about 3 to 4 times a week and yes, we pay more for a gym with daycare, but it's so worth it.  I don't go for long, but while I'm on that treadmill I'm in my zone and by the time I'm done, I am rejuvenated, feeling good about myself, and ready to finish the evening with my lovely girl.

LAST thought on this topic and the most important to me;

DO NOT judge people on whether they stay home or work.

I must admit I am guilty of thinking "what do SAHM's do all day?" before having children.   HA!  I don't think this anymore.  Trust me.  NOT AT ALL.  I know it's consumed with cleaning, feeding, keeping the kids under control, just hoping that nap time comes faster, etc. 

On a different note, don't judge a Mom for wanting to work.  If that's her decision, be supportive of it!  Let her know that it's a different balance.  Let her know you support that.  I think people often say "being a stay at home mom is the most difficult job on Earth" and you know what?  I AGREE!  I couldn't do it!  But on the other token, why can't we give credit to Moms that help provide financially and still take on the Mom and cleaning/ cooking etc. role as well?

Every Mom in the long run wants to do what's best for their family.  And criticizing others for this decision isn't going to help one bit!

I say ... want to stay at home?  GOOD FOR YOU! 

        ... want to work?  GOOD FOR YOU!

Let's all come together and rejoice in the fact that we're fortunate for what we have and support each other while we're at it.