Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I Miss my Husband.

I really miss Evan.  He has been so busy this month and I was doing fine.  I really was.  I've been busy studying, working out, taking care of Liliana, and cooking every evening to save on money.  But, this week has just taken its toll on me and I feel so deflated.  Before I keep going with this post, I just want to say I'm sorry if it's jumbled and doesn't really make sense.  I actually hadn't planned on posting anything today.  Tomorrow I was going to write Liliana's "Happy 4 Month Birthday" and that was that.  But, I've been sitting here just studying  blankly looking at the screen and have felt so distracted.

His hours have been so long on this rotation.  He usually wakes up around 5:00 and leaves the house around 5:50 in the morning.  Every morning when he's leaving, I wake up and just rest my head on his hand.  When he leaves every morning, my heart sinks because I know it'll be forever until I see him again.  Yesterday, for instance, he rushed in around 6:30 in the evening and was out the door by 6:50.  He had come home to change and had to rush out for a meeting and a presentation he was giving.  He didn't come home until 9.  By the time we put the baby to sleep it was already 10 and like I said...he wakes up at 5, so this barely gave us any time together.

Today, he left the house again at 5:50 and I'm sitting here at 7:55 in the evening without any idea of what he's doing.  That's the hard part of surgeries.  You get no service in the OR and he can't leave in the middle of a surgery to go text his wife!  So instead, I sit here and I wait.

I know I sound like a pathetic little woman.  I'm sorry.  It's just like I said...it's getting to me.  If I knew what he was doing I think it would help.  If I could at least text him it would help.  But instead, I just sit here waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

If he was here, I would tell him all about my day.  I would tell him how our Portable DVD player that I ordered used off of Amazon for $45 bucks arrived and that Liliana and I watched some Baby Einstein DVDs together on it.  I would tell him that I found a new set of flashcards to study off of and that the information on them is completely different from the book I had been studying so I'm having a semi panic attack that I wasn't nearly as prepared for my exam on Monday as I thought.

I also don't want to sound like the kind of wife that expects his hours not to be long.  I know what it's like to be married to a Doctor.  Everybody in my family is a doctor.  Trust me, I'm accustomed to it.  BUT, I'm not used to anyone that does surgeries.  AND, I thought the last year would be easier.  This is the kind of life I had expected during his residency, not his last year of medical school.

Anyway, I'm just lonely and I miss him.  That's all.  Sorry for complaining.

I suppose I should close off this post by saying I know he hates this too.  Every evening he looks at me and tells me how much he misses spending time with us.  I see that he's tired and sad too.  And, we miss him.

* Note: He finally got home safe and sound, and exhausted after a 9 hour surgery...at 11:15 pm.  He was leaving the house at 5:50 this morning. Sigh...

10 comments:

  1. Just something that might make you feel better. Consider the military wives (me!) My hubby just deployed and will be deployed for 6 months! I don't even get to see him at all! No kisses good morning, no laying in the same bed, no hugs, just a face to look at on the internet on 'some' days if we happen to catch each other. Be thankful that you get to see him and be able to at least touch him and say a few words to him in person. I miss my husband more than anything right now, but I have to be strong for myself and my daughter!

    Have a good day and hope this cheers you up---there is someone out there that is way worse than you. We even have a military spouse that lost her husband last year but we still see her regularly. Makes you be thankful for anytime you get with them.

    http://frugalfreegal.blogspot.com

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  2. Oh sweetie. I hear you and no one should make you feel guilty for missing your husband. Yes, there are many women (and men) who have spouses that are deployed. I know it has to be extreamly hard for many of them who don't see them for months at a time and my heart breaks for those who lose their spouses during deployment. However I don't think that anyone should disregaurd your feelings. Hopefully you'll be able to arrange a date night sometime soon so you can reconnect.

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  3. I'm so sorry he's been gone so much! That's tough when our hubbies are gone so much and no way to get in touch with him! Praying it gets better soon!! Hang in there!

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  4. That is so sad when they are gone so much. It really is hard on a family. But, he is also doing something so great and beneficial for you and the many others he treats and will treat. Hopefully things will calm down soon. xoxo (On a bright note, you do have the Monday Minute to look forward to) :)

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  5. Totally acceptable. My hubby is in construction and when he has busy times I feel exactly the same.

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  6. I can't imagine how tough those long days must be on your family. I am sure it will get easier when he is out of school, I hope so at least! Until then, staying busy will help the time pass, and just make the most out of the small time you do have together. Writing out my frustrations always helps me, I hope it did the same for you! Hang in there girly!

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  7. Oh you poor dear. I totally understand and it is okay to miss him. It is refreshing to hear someone who loves and misses their spouse.

    I miss my husband when he works late as well, but we have the benefit of texting unlike you.

    The only consolation for you is that at least he works in a hospital so you don't have to worry if he is ok! My husband is in sales and drives all day so I always worry about car accidents!

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  8. Hey Hey,
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    http://diaryofhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

    Love,
    Jess

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  9. You poor thing - I think it's totally normal to feel that way! It sure makes me appreciate my husband more after reading this. I often do the waiting at home thing too because of his long hours, but at least I'm able to contact him usually (unless he's on the senate floor or something and can't be reached). Having to wait until your husband gets out of surgery just to get word that he's okay would be really hard!

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  10. I understand how you feel. Our baby is 7 months old and my husband is working 4 hrs away. He leaves Sunday night and gets home late Friday night, so we only get Saturday and part of Sunday with him. He is always so tired from working and the drive that we get very little time. Reading your story lets me know I am not alone. I cry every time he leaves I feel so alone. Hang in there as I try to do every time he leaves.

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